Wednesday, August 30, 2006

just finished scraping the last sticker off the surface of my laptop. doesnt look so gay anymore. didnt just peel out the ones which she gave me. peeled out the hearts as well, even the madagascar sticker down the front wasnt spared. now im left with a plain-scratched white surface and a rather sticky spacebar key


being more anti-social than usual takes quite a lot of getting used to. =/


felt kinda curious so i turned my phone on after one day. hmmm. a few msgs. didnt feel like replying so i just didnt. this is changing me quite a bit



you say there was a misunderstanding, so would you please clarify it? even though she broke her promises, i still believed whatever she said at face value. i know i was used and that i didnt mean anything to her because she found someone else just days after everything. care to explain that?


wiped out her existence on my laptop as well. deleted everything that was linked to her. ivan gave me that idea. quite a bit of memory space saved from the pictures, songs and 'Friends' videos deleted. wow.


i should just say it now. she wanted me to return her the bunny. after all, it did have sentimental value to her unrelated to me. so i had decided to return it to her after washing bunny and in a pretty purple box filled with memories. i folded paper hearts to represent every day that i knew her till the day she told me that it was impossible between us. on the back of every heart, i wrote a memory. things like 'kaitlyn', 'dylan' and 'michelle', the names of our imaginary children which we had come up with together, 'secret sleepover' that i had when her parents were overseas blahblah..took me a whole night to fold the 62 of them (i suck at origami), and also wove 2 hearts from drinking straws. one red, the other transparent. the red representing the day she filled my heart with color again, and the transparent one representing the day she drained out that color.


in the box i included some objects that i wanted her to keep. this little straw hat we were playing with at spotlight, this bottle of purple nail polish, the shade that i loved on her toes (omg did i just say that?), and a snickers bar. bunny was meant to be placed inside too and returned to her.


now i feel like burning every single thing in that box and just giving her the ashes.putting bunny in a lil plastic bag amongst the ashes and paint the box black. for a moment, even bunny's life was threatened but i havent harmed her on account that it belongs to her sis. and i couldnt bear to harm the bunny who slept beside me on my pillow whenever i couldnt sleep just thinking about her.



the contents of the box are safe for now. the box is upstairs and dont think its worth my energy going up to burn them. i only go upstairs to take my going-out clothes out and since there aint much going out to do, i wont see it either.


now bunny hasnt been out of my drawer for 3 nights. i lie in bed and stare at the ceiling. dont know when sleep drags me under. dont know when i wake. sucks not being able to seek the company of my ONLY TRUE FRIEND, heineken. my tummy simply wont allow it



dont know when im gonna return bunny cos i simply dont want to see her again



gawd i dont want to cry

leaving skool cheakie at 11:13 PM [comment]

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