Monday, May 29, 2006

i hate it when people say i resemble my father.


i dont even have an inkling to why they do. whenever i have the chance to look in the mirror, the closest ressemblance i see between the both of us is the horrible skin. just in case any of you out there think my acne is cos im too blardy lazy to take care of my skin, you are mistaken. its fricking heriditary. sad huh? not only did he leave emotional scars, he left physical ones too..all over my blardy face...


i was sitting down watching tv when aunt obeserved aloud that i look more like him now cos im fatter. at first i was too lazy to train, now im determined to work off as much 'resemblence' as possible. running and swimming is on the cards: ehh i know i said that a long time ago, but now its different. the cards are now on the table. haha


aunt also says that i look like laopeh when i smile. from now on i shall limit my smiles. think long faces, frowns or stony expressions!



its not that he did anything to me directly to make me hate him. i dont hate him. im just fricking disappointed in him. he claims to be a christian. but he obeys his wife. im not too sure, but my version of the bible tells WIVES to SUBMIT to their HUSBANDS. hmmm, maybe mine is a satanic bible. im sorry i brought it up. i forgot for a moment that im supposed to be EVIL, the NEMESIS of all GODLY people. sorry


i dont want to have anything to link with him. sure, i used to respect him for taking care of my grandparents. but now he's neglecting my grandmother for his GODLY activities. im sure he is right. everytime i see her lose her balance for a moment before steadying herself, my heart skips a beat. i worry


i worry so fricking much about ahma. i worry bout what will happen to her when my sisters are in sch, when laobu is on one of her MANY trips in a single day down to the market to buy leftover,cheaper stocks of the grocers. i wonder when ahma might finally lose her balance and not be able to steady herself in time. ahma laments to me whenever i go to visit. she laments about being left alone at home. she wonders what will happen if she dies at home and no one is there to be by her side. she laments my absence, how i used to stay home to look after her. she knows how fucking selfish my parents are. how they pretend to care about her when they fucking dont. how my fucking laobu instigates laopeh to leave his aged mother alone at home. just found out from grandma that laobu started leaving the house early and coming home late after she joined her church. hmmmm...thats strange..laobu used to rant at me for going out early and coming home late. i didnt know i was actually using her own method to avoid her! wow...do unto others what you want others to do to you eh? laopeh's a horrible son. aint that strange? im a horrible son too? hmmm



all i can do is pray for ahma.


Lord FAther, i pray now that you will keep ahma safe. please give her strength in her legs. please give her good health. please Lord Father. i cant be there everyday for her. i cant be there 24/7 Lord. but you can. you are omnipotent, omnipresent. you are everywhere and can do anything Lord Father. so i entrust ahma to you in faith. an easy task for a magnificent God. i pray before everyone in faith that you will answer my prayer to keep my ahma safe. and most of all Lord Father, keep her close to you. accompany her when im not there for her. you know how lonely she is after grandpa died. comfort her Lord God. i place her in your hands. please Lord. Amen

leaving skool cheakie at 11:19 PM [comment]

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