back to being bitter

2006-09-11T21:37:00.000+08:00

have been sick of this annoying blogskin for damn long. but was too damn lazy to change it. finally,

i was so bored this afternoon that i MOVED

gonna leave this webpage to become a cobweb.

even cheak the monkey has scampered over there. click on the link in red to go over and continue abusing him.

see you on the other side!

2006-09-10T18:45:00.000+08:00

Enslave my heart, revealed is her apathey.
I'm bounded by a fear of loneliness,
Show me fidelity now fill me with a false sense of hope,
This will be reminder of what we once were.
I'll leave your lips soaked with remnants of a love held together by deception.
And death is masked as my savior.
Martyred in your heartless name.
The detriment was much too profound for you
To mend my wounds sweetly with your blackened kiss,
My heart you've bled it dry
You could mean the world to me nothing less throughout eternity.
You're the end of the world to me.
A beautiful contradiction possessing me.
I can give you no more than all the love I have.
Take it with you wherever your heart shall lead you.
This is the requiem for broke hearts and empty promises,
With weary steps I will press on no longer,
Now watch as the blade cuts through my skin,
And this blood will forever rain up on your guiltless head,
Could you hold this close to your heart forever...forever?
Will you hold this close to your heart forever and always.
Or will you bathe in my blood forever and always?

B-E-A-utiful lyrics. wow.

i don't know, but it just feels so empty now. especially when i see her tags on other blogs. i take a look at my previous tags. and

i dont know

it just feels very sad

the void that she filled is now void again.

the worm-eater has been abandoned again.

work yesterday nearly killed me. started work at 8am. i earn 6 bucks per hour. i made $108 yesterday after deducting an hour for lunch and dinner. you do the math.

cant concentrate on anything at all nowadays

woke up at 1.30. i havent gone to church in more than a month. this is bad

2006-09-08T15:00:00.000+08:00

o,O why is everyone a hady fan? tsktsk. he seems like a Suria-only sort of singer, if you get what i mean. either that or TV 2.. oops

was too damn shagged after work yesterday to blog. so didnt. sold my soul to the hotel from 14-22 sept (if i remember correctly) for the IMF shit. doesnt matter much since i dont have much of a life to speak of now. gah. pay is 7.50 per hour. not too bad, i dont mind working.

i've paid off all my fricking phone bills for now. my finances have dipped below the $1000 mark. i'd better start filling out those booking slips to work again. im not risking anything. i need at least 1K to survive if im thrown out again. though i dont have any reason to fear that yet.

leaving the house has become more of a chore since i started paying my own transport fees and as i mentioned before, i say it again, ADULT FARE IS KILLING ME!

give me something to look forward to

took me 8 months to discover this

any idea who the fuck is the author of this blog? obviously one of those people who do not know me well enough but decide to pass comments all the same. a prude

2006-09-07T00:57:00.000+08:00

ITS NOT FAIR, WHY CAN'T I FUCKING SLEEP?

dont know why, but everytime when i do need to sleep, i cant. the mind is fucking flooded with all sorts of thoughts.

the thing is, i dont think about her per se any more. but my mind is flooded with things related to her.

cineleisure sofas
her bedsheets
bunny
yada yada yada

and i cant really take bunny out to sleep with her on my pillow anymore.

i just discovered Safari sucks ass for blogging. i cant change my font colors, sizes and shit if i dont know html (which i dont, thanks alot liswanto, didnt pay attention)

oh main discovery for the day: some singapore idols can actually sing. like jonathan for instance. i tell you that dude is the only one worthy to stand on that stage. and sg idol logistics officially sucks ass. think they put in some amatuer cameramen in there. even the hosts dont know the order of programme. a big joke. lets all laugh. hawhaw.

judges had pretty good comments. as they always fucking do. makes it seem more 'Singapore Cheerleader' than 'Singapore Idol'. cant stand the way the first 3 judges gush over an utterly bland performance. think there were less bad comments this week cos it was judges choice. criticising the song would have only reflected badly on the judges. so those proud turds even said nice stuff about twohill's really wrong-sounding rendition of "i want to grow old with you"..the dude looked like he just smoked a whole bale of weed. sick.

oh that song. some people think its disgusting. only we thought it was sweet (still think it is). but since you were involved in it, *bloop* deleted. im trying the 'eternal sunshine of a spotless mind' approach.

daymn even that reminds me of you

NOW MAYBE YOU KNOW WHY I CANT FUCKING SLEEP?

so from now on ima blog with firefox (no matter how fucking laggy), and watch sg idol for jonathan, despite the dizzying footage.

actually i kinda forgot what you look like. this is working quite well. but i cant seem to forget the things associated wit you.

damn work at 9am tml. off to TRY to get some fucking shuteye.

2006-09-06T14:48:00.000+08:00

stepping hesitantly back out of the shadows

2006-09-06T00:16:00.002+08:00

ooh its past midnight!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HUI!

you have no idea how proud i am to be your big bro! though that big-headed selfish bitch of a motha we have tries to keep us apart, you know gorgor always cares about you! i don't know how to go to visit you at your sec scoo, we shall see how tml! fuck i forgot to call just now to arrange a time to meet up with you. ARGH!

still wracking my brains to think of what to get you. something that that fucktard cant find and tear up/smash up/throw away/give away. ahma told me not to give hui anything. she said laobu always snatches it away from my sis and gives it away. killing 2 birds with one stone. fucking bitch can stop any influence on her daughter by her 'god-forsaken son' and at the same time, gain the good favor of whichever fucktard she gives the item to. sneaky bitch.

just realised that i just wasted a year of iLife subscription. daymn. no one to ichat with me anymore. fucked up. unless i iChat with kian, which will be fucking gay. bah

if you can't promise that you won't laugh at me, don't read on.

i want to learn to beatbox like properly. found this really cool forum which allows me to dl beatboxing video tutorials. really cool. ima try to pick up a skill or two. it should work for entertaining myself.

ok fine laugh all you want

gotta go. waking up early to accompany grandma to the market tml morning. try to be a good grandson

2006-09-05T00:11:00.000+08:00

i think im officially turning numb again. thats good.

everyone's putting turtles on their msn nicks cos of steve irwin.

i have never been a particularly rabid fan of him. couldnt stand the way he talked. couldnt understand his morbid fascination with wrestling crocodiles who were minding their own business and then jumping into the camera screaming about how 'crocs rule'. gawd.

come on, give the poor mothafucker a break, he's dead for heaven's sake!

oh well, at least baby irwin can sleep in peace knowing that no one is gonna dangle him above a pool of crocodiles a-la-michaeljackson

but the poor lil tot is gonna wake up knowing that he won't ever see daddy again, thanks to a lousy stingray. him and his sis.

just an afterthought, that must have been one pissed-off stingray. wonder what irwin was doing, playing with its balls or something.

rest in peace steve

2006-09-03T21:02:00.000+08:00

All my life I've been waiting
For you to bring a fairytale my way
Been livin in a fantasy without meaning
It's not okay I don't feel safe

I Don't Feel Safe Oohhh

Left broken empty in despair
Wanna breathe can't find air
Thought you were sent from up above
But you and me never had love
So much more I have to say
Help me find a way

And I wonder if you know
How it really feels
To be left outside alone
When it's cold out here
Well maybe you should know
Just how it feels
To be left outside alone
To be left outside alone

I'll tell you
All my life I've been waiting
For you to bring a fairytale my way
Been living in a fantasy without meaning
It's not okay I don't feel safe
I need to pray

of course you don't know how it feels to be left outside alone in the cold.

you had my jacket to keep you warm then

you have him now, his jacket now a subsitute for mine.

2006-09-02T01:01:00.000+08:00

couldnt sleep the whole of last night. lay in bed from 23 45 to about midnight when i realised that i forgot to put my working pants into my bag so i ran upstairs to get it. at 0015, went back to bed. but just couldnt sleep. tossed, turned and thought. even tried counting sheep but gave up when i reached the 143rd sheep cos i felt dumb. looked at the time:2am. fuck

went out and lay on the sofa. not much space to toss and turn there. the last time i glanced at my clock, it was 3.45am. even then i couldnt sleep properly and kept drifting in and out of sleep.alarm rang at 4.55am. was glad to get up.

today was the first day that i actually talked to mrs parker. supper after work. yeah. was supposed to join kong and the guys for jumbo seafood but kinda decided against it.

its amazing how its easier to talk to someone who is almost completely a stranger than to people who have been my friends for like years. of course it was mainly just gossip and poking fun at each other so yeah.

wow she stays really near my primary scoo.

i thought i could change for her, just for her,

but that was then

now im really kinda worried that i might revert to my old ways

someone might get hurt in order for me to return back to my normal self.

damn this shit fucking sucks.

spastics, i think i might be back rather soon. =/

2006-08-31T23:38:00.000+08:00

felt kinda bad. turned on my phone last night to delete some photos which umm...needed deleting. (ironic how i was so bent on taking them in the first place), when recieved jacq's msg. then jacq called. kinda shocked so let it ring a bit. didnt know what else to do. she didnt put down. so i kinda rejected the call cos i didnt want her wasting her time trying to contact me when she had important exams coming up. and i didnt want to talk to anyone either.

in case you are reading jacq, sorry, that was fucking rude of me. please work hard and do me proud. i do treasure the spastics but im at a point in time when i really dont want to talk to anyone at all. sorry.

wonder if anyone else has been trying to call me. other than jo, i doubt it. o.o

phone might been on the whole day tml cos im working. just in case my managers call.

i dont think im wallowing in self-pity. i absolutely detest people who do. i think they are pathetic. i dont pity myself. and i dont need any pity. i just wonder why everything bad happens to me, and every single time it does, its similiar.

history repeated itself since the age of thirteen

again

and again

and again

and again

i ain't getting any answers about that either. this is a period of self-reflection to find out what i have been doing wrong all this while. all i can gather now is my trust in others. i used to play Risk in Strat Club in JC, and i always lost because i was sold out by my ally (most of the time, yenn jie). yet i chose to trust him again and again.

so i gather. i STILL trust too easily.

good pilgrim, trust NO ONE, not even your MOTHER, not even your CLOSE FRIEND, not even people who SAY THEY LOVE YOU, not people who PROMISE YOU HEAVEN.

and dont ever, EVER think that just because you have done so much for them, that they will do as much for you.

selfishness and distrust: the 2 keys to survival

off to bed and try to get some sleep. work at 7am tml.

2006-08-31T15:41:00.000+08:00

You Give Love A Bad Name - Bon Jovi

An angels smile is what you sell
You promise me heaven, then put me through hell
Chains of love got a hold on me
When passions a prison, you cant break free

Youre a loaded gun
Theres nowhere to run
No one can save me
The damage is done

Chorus:
Shot through the heart
And youre to blame
You give love a bad name
I play my part and you play your game
You give love a bad name
You give love a bad name

Paint your smile on your lips
Blood red nails on your fingertips
A school boys dream, you act so shy
Your very first kiss was your first kiss goodbye

Youre a loaded gun
Theres nowhere to run
No one can save me
The damage is done

waiting for the rain to stop so i can go take some books out of the library. havent been reading for damn long. high time i caught up on my reading. anti-socialism hooooooo! O.O

been wanting to go swim for the past few days. no one can see me cry underwater. but with the really rainy weather, i bet i would probably freeze my balls off even before i get to the water's edge. so i decided against it.

hey come to think of it, i doubt i will ever be needing them balls anymore. wont be making love anymore in future if i dont believe in love anymore. so no harm freezing my balls off

maybe i would go swim after all.

no, wait. i dont have to make love, i can still HAVE SEX! silly me..no swimming till the weather is warmer.

2006-08-30T23:13:00.000+08:00

just finished scraping the last sticker off the surface of my laptop. doesnt look so gay anymore. didnt just peel out the ones which she gave me. peeled out the hearts as well, even the madagascar sticker down the front wasnt spared. now im left with a plain-scratched white surface and a rather sticky spacebar key

being more anti-social than usual takes quite a lot of getting used to. =/

felt kinda curious so i turned my phone on after one day. hmmm. a few msgs. didnt feel like replying so i just didnt. this is changing me quite a bit

you say there was a misunderstanding, so would you please clarify it? even though she broke her promises, i still believed whatever she said at face value. i know i was used and that i didnt mean anything to her because she found someone else just days after everything. care to explain that?

wiped out her existence on my laptop as well. deleted everything that was linked to her. ivan gave me that idea. quite a bit of memory space saved from the pictures, songs and 'Friends' videos deleted. wow.

i should just say it now. she wanted me to return her the bunny. after all, it did have sentimental value to her unrelated to me. so i had decided to return it to her after washing bunny and in a pretty purple box filled with memories. i folded paper hearts to represent every day that i knew her till the day she told me that it was impossible between us. on the back of every heart, i wrote a memory. things like 'kaitlyn', 'dylan' and 'michelle', the names of our imaginary children which we had come up with together, 'secret sleepover' that i had when her parents were overseas blahblah..took me a whole night to fold the 62 of them (i suck at origami), and also wove 2 hearts from drinking straws. one red, the other transparent. the red representing the day she filled my heart with color again, and the transparent one representing the day she drained out that color.

in the box i included some objects that i wanted her to keep. this little straw hat we were playing with at spotlight, this bottle of purple nail polish, the shade that i loved on her toes (omg did i just say that?), and a snickers bar. bunny was meant to be placed inside too and returned to her.

now i feel like burning every single thing in that box and just giving her the ashes.putting bunny in a lil plastic bag amongst the ashes and paint the box black. for a moment, even bunny's life was threatened but i havent harmed her on account that it belongs to her sis. and i couldnt bear to harm the bunny who slept beside me on my pillow whenever i couldnt sleep just thinking about her.

the contents of the box are safe for now. the box is upstairs and dont think its worth my energy going up to burn them. i only go upstairs to take my going-out clothes out and since there aint much going out to do, i wont see it either.

now bunny hasnt been out of my drawer for 3 nights. i lie in bed and stare at the ceiling. dont know when sleep drags me under. dont know when i wake. sucks not being able to seek the company of my ONLY TRUE FRIEND, heineken. my tummy simply wont allow it

dont know when im gonna return bunny cos i simply dont want to see her again

gawd i dont want to cry

2006-08-29T16:15:00.000+08:00

with the way i eat, i never would have imagined that i would get gastris, but i have (at least thats what the doc said)

my whole world is fucked upside-down anyway, so what is gastris to me?

black is my new favorite color, i wear black with pride

fuck all, nasty medicine misture adds to the bitter taste in my mouth

2006-08-29T00:29:00.000+08:00

im fucking disgusted

with you

and with myself

im disgusted with you for breaking the promises that you made me

im disgusted with you for lying to me

im disgusted with you for PLAYING me. yes you fucking did

im disgusted with you for fucking making me change my view to life. i will now tear away these rose-tinted lenses and crush them in the dirt. then gouge my eyes out and throw them as far away as i can.

dont want to see anymore

dont want to feel anymore

dont want to love anymore

i feel like burning everything that i prepared

now that i know everything was a farce

thanks for showing me that there is no fucking thing as love in this fucking cesspit of a world.

goddammit i feel like strangling someone now

im fucking disgusted with myself for changing my views to life

mel, you were right, she is a bitch

im disgusted that i actually BELIEVED that she was for real

im disgusted that i actually thought that was love

im disgusted that i actually felt that there was hope

im disgusted that i actually thought that God had sent someone i could trust

im disgusted that i actually went back on my word that i should TRUST NO ONE

im disgusted with myself for being the biggest fucking fool on earth

all my life i have been used, betrayed and thrown aside and trodden like dirt

the problem with me?

I

NEVER

LEARN

i never learn to hate

i never learn the true meaning of distrust

i never learn that there is no one who isnt ready to plunge a blade into my festering back

i never learn that no one loves me

i never learn that i am never good enough

i never learn that my existence doesnt matter, not even to to one who brought me into this cruel world

after being stabbed again and again,

betrayed time after time,

played year after year,

cast aside AT THE END OF EVERY FUCKING DAY

I NEVER LEARN WHAT GOD IS TRYING TO TELL ME

THAT THERE IS NO FUCKING LOVE IN THIS WORLD

THE CLOSEST THINGS TO 'LOVE' (i spit that out) ARE ACCOMODATION, OBLIGATION, LUST, SEX AND GREED

thanks alot to everyone around me

thanks for making me feel loved

thanks for giving me FALSE HOPE

thanks for making me the bitter piece of turd that i am today

everyone please do me a favor and go fuck yourself

i know im damn ungrateful to people who are trying desperately to cheer me up

cos i dont know who to trust anymore

so i dont trust anyone anymore

and i dont give a whooping FUCK whether you hate me or not

because im too fucking disgusted to care

sorry, i cant join you all to go to escape tml

sorry guys i cant go for mahjong on wednesday

sorry everyone, im not fucking going out at all

dont bother calling me, you know deep down you dont want to and just to want to seem like the cruel shit that you are

and to help you with that, i have taken the initiative to turn off my phone

sorry everyone this might be the last fucking time you see me type a smiley, so here goes :)

as i sat in the toilet i could literally see the darkness closing in all around me

none of my family members seem to understand the meaning of LEAVE ME ALONE

i know im useless

if any of you hate me, just say it so i can hate you back

if any of you are just accomodating me, just say it, i will back off and not ever bother you again

if any of you are fucking intending to use me, i say go fuck yourself with a fire extinguisher, then smash it on your head and dont even stop even after it turns to bloody pulp

theres nothing to gain from me

does it really give you so much pleasure to see me suffer huh?

HUH GOD DO YOU FUCKING HEAR ME?

DOES IT GIVE YOU PLEASURE?

i said i dont believe in love anymore, and since God is love, i dont know what to believe in anymore

booze?

fags?

drugs?

self-multilation?

death?

all i want to do now is jump into a bottomless pit filled with cold black ink and just sink and sink and sink and sink

dont try to comfort me no more, it aint gonna help

save your saliva

like Job, i curse the day that i was born, and the cunt that i came from

for the first time in my miserable existence, i understand what dawn meant when she said that the window looked so inviting

wish i could just end it all

fuck all

2006-08-27T15:51:00.000+08:00

sweet memories

Joy Enriquez - How Can I Not Love You

Cannot touch, cannot hold, cannot be together
Cannot love, cannot kiss, cannot love each other
Must be strong and we must let go
Cannot say what our hearts must know

Chorus:
How can i not love you
What do i tell my heart
When do i not want you here in my arms
How does one walks away
From all of the memories
How do i not miss you when you are gone

Cannot dream, cannot share sweet and tender moments
Cannot feel how we feel, must pretend it's over
Must be brave and we must go on, must not say
What we've known all along

Chorus:

How can i not love you
What do i tell my heart
When do i not want you here in my arms
How does one walks away
From all of the memories
How do i not miss you when you are gone

How can i not love you

Bridge:
Must be brave and we must be strong
Cannot say what we've known all along

Chorus:
How can i not love you
What do i tell my heart
When do i not want you here in my arms
How does one walks away
From all of the memories
How do i not miss you when you are gone

How can i not love you
When you are gone

i don't usually believe in omens, but when you sent this to me, did it mean more than that?

ok anyone can tell, when i blog more than once a day, its means i have no one who wants to go out with me and am stuck at home stoning.

i am still too lazy to upload any photos of the chalet. trying to fit photos taken by a SIX MEGAPIXEL CAMERA into my harddisk would be like squeezing an elephant's butt into a Volkswagon car boot. look at em on ms OR wenting's blog by clicking on the link on the right.

2006-08-27T13:57:00.000+08:00

work yesterday. some new chicks

kinda shocked when i saw the ungrateful slut at work. hmmm

the knot in my tummy is getting worse. cant swallow without my gullet hurting. its somewhere near my heart. wonder if its heartache

didnt eat this morning. cos chest hurt too much to try. even inhaling deeply hurts. gives new meaning to 'can't breathe without you'...hmmmmmmm

went over to visit grandma today. was kinda worried when i saw the kitchen window closed from downstairs. my suspicions were confirmed when no one responded to the knocking and calling and doorbell-pressing. i called my sis. no answer. i called my cousin. she rejected my call. so i called my aunt. she said that they had brought grandma to church. thanks ah, now that i am paying for my own travel expenses, i just wasted $1.30. fucking shit.

people say i am a pessimist. i used to view myself as a realist, but now i am beginning to agree with them. when she came into my life, things started to look up, i felt a tinge of optimism rising in my gut. then everything came crashing down just like that *snaps fingers*

from the optimistic viewpoint: if the old does not go, the new does not come.

from the realistic viewpoint: she's gone, as have many other girls, i should seriously consider turning gay

from the pessimistic viewpoint: even gays wouldnt want me, so i should seriously considered stranding myself alone on an island and live on a diet of roast monkey, rainwater and coconuts

looking at all the above, i think the pessimistic viewpoint suits me best, so i have been converted from realism to pessimism as from this moment on

okay tummy growling in protest, better try forcing something down now. pain is necessary to continue my miserable existence.

*fades into nothingness*

2006-08-24T21:15:00.000+08:00

exams are finally finally over! went for class chalet (or rather the chalet for director yarzman's locvid group) on tuesday. after dinner at the musical fountain which consisted of director yarzman's cold shepherd's pie, cheesecake and OR wenting's colder spaghetti (all of which didnt taste all that bad), the whole lot of us came down with a horrible bout of DIARRHOEA (or as smeagol would have said, "being indisposed"). we finished a whole box of po chai pills.

yesterday evening had a horrible flu after OR wenting insisting on trying to get the perfect shot of us jumping into the pool. after many many failed attempts (which resulted in about half a litre of chlorinated water up my nose) a caught a cold that was really really horrible..couldnt even bbq properly, only could tell them whether food was cooked or not. felt really useless. took panadol cold and watching CSI alone in the guys' room. only dared to sleep after OR wenting slept cos she had threatened to draw on anyone who slept that night.

this morning woke up not feeling much better. :(

didnt work cos reallly couldnt make it. came home and slept

every single thing reminds me of you...even the word 'diarrhoea'

I sat on the sand
and watched the sea
Gazed out at the ocean
Brine stings my eyes
Still
Wrote your name in the sand
Salt water came
Licked at it
Washed it away

So I carve it where no wave can steal
On my Heart
Blood paints it afresh
Anew

im crying without emotion

2006-08-20T15:49:00.000+08:00

Looking everywhere haven't found him yet
He's the big affair, I cannot forget
Only man I ever think of with regret...
There's a somebody I'm longing to see,
I hope that he turns out to be
Someone who'll watch over me

I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood
I know I could always be good
To one who'll watch over me

Although he may not be the man
Some girls think of as handsome
To my heart he carries the key,
Hmm...

Won't you tell him, please,
Please, put on some speed
Follow my lead, oh, how I need
Someone to watch over me...

did you mean it then? does this have new meaning to you now? or were they just words sung to a tune...

2006-08-20T13:05:00.000+08:00

i would like to start this post with a piece of advice: if any of you are intending to organise a concert to be held in a not-so-prominent venue, it would be nice if you told ticket holders THE EXACT ADDRESS OF THE PLACE instead of giving unclear directions!

we went for ali's choir concert at the young musicians society auditorium. now one might ask,WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT? well, turns out, we didnt know either? but thats not so bad, since we arent very music-inclined. the worst thing was, THE FRICKING ORGANISERS DIDNT KNOW THE ADDRESS EITHER!

and ali gave me directions on the phone immeadiately after waking me up that morning. for people who know me, i am very blur when i am awake normally, so giving me directions when i am half asleep, is like...i donno, erm...giving a chinaman directions on how to get to the north pole in swahili.

didnt help that we couldnt get ali on the phone. and when we did, we were forwarded to a very gay-sounding guy who gave us even more directions that we couldnt make sense of. he told us to go past NAFA and then turn right after fortune centre. it didnt really help that there were THREE NAFA CAMPUSES AROUND FORTUNE CENTRE and EVERY RIGHT TURN WOULD LEAD US IN A DIFFERENT DIRECTION!

so we were a bunch of hot and sweaty guys all dressed up hiking a 300m radius around bugis mrt, complaining about the money (that could have well gone to a couple of beers) wasted on a concert we all thought we were gonnna miss.

in the end eng hong found the place and gave us a very valuable of info: THE FUCKING ADDRESS! it was hidden in a corner of bencoolen street! blardy hell....and when we reached, THERE WERE NO FUCKING SEATS...thanks ah! we stood through half of the first half till intermission. so annoying...

after that went for some beer at tingyan's place

came home.stepped into the lift and heard a soft splash.some fucker decided to relieve himself in the lift. bloody urine detection system didnt work! arghhh..pee all over the base of my left sneaker..stomped around the 9th floor lift landing trying to get as much pee off as possible.didnt work.left sneakers outside to air. hope they are fine now...so dont offend me, i just might KICK YOU

oh and another piece of advice: DONT DRINK ON SATURDAY NIGHT WHEN YOU HAVE CHURCH THE NEXT MORNING AND MEDISOC EXAM ON MONDAY. cos you simply wont be able to wake up or study...

so i missed church and have to study now...daymn

2006-08-19T14:22:00.000+08:00

finally seeing you
after what seemed like eternity
dull throbbing pain
was it the pain?
was it the smoke?
fire dried the tears
memories drifting amongst the coals
acrid taste of regret
sweet honey to heal a bitter heart
cooking cruelty
icy, hard relief
to endless thirst
for you
it was over before it began

ok enough. time to study for medisoc! or rather, TRY to study....daymn

2006-08-16T00:18:00.000+08:00

What have I got to do to make you love me
What have I got to do to make you care
What do I do when lightning strikes me
And I wake to find that you're not there

What do I do to make you want me
.
.
.

It's sad, so sad
It's a sad, sad situation
And it's getting more and more absurd
It's sad, so sad
Why can't we talk it over
.
.

you promised me that i wouldnt turn out like the previous guy
you promised....

this icy grip in my chest
this dull headache
happening a little too often

2006-08-14T23:29:00.000+08:00

please come back

you have no idea how much it hurts

2006-08-13T15:31:00.000+08:00

empty seat on the bus next to me
melting lollie
dirty bunny
fading scent
chocolate wrappers in the trash
hot chocolate satchets discarded
stickers fading sparkle
eggs
baby photo
heineken

just went to visit grandma, she cheered me up a bit..my sisters are damn tall now...but damn skinny

grandma is so cute

i feel weird saying that now

its different when it comes from my mouth

2006-08-12T23:48:00.000+08:00

you blew it cheak you fucktard

go fuck yourself cheak

useless sonofabitch

as usual, so fucking close yet so fucking far

you deserve nothing less than misery

i cant sleep

someone pass me a heineken

heloooo?

damn no ones there

fine i'll get a couple myself

2006-08-10T02:17:00.000+08:00

PHEW!! tml is the 2nd of all the big projects!! graph comm presentation...

was supposed to present a prototype bottle for Hard Tea

decided to melt and mold an existing bottle

failed MISERABLY!

at first it refused to melt in hot water

so i tried BOILING WATER

didnt work

so i tried BOILING WATER OVER STOVE!

accidentally let it rest on the rim of the pot, melted inwards!!

put it over the flame...started smelling so stopped

so decided to make cardboard dummies instead...

I HATE SKETCHING!! MY DUMMY IS SCREWED UP!!!

BUT ITS DONE! SO IS FLASH!! GAWD I WISH THIS TERM WOULD END RIGHT AWAY!

2006-08-08T00:43:00.000+08:00

kian's birthday on saturday...happy birthday nigga..have yet to whack your nuts...party in hotel room, a full 5L keg of heineken untouched..damn wasted...was looking forward to it

FOP with jacq on saturday...wasnt too bad...had this really enthu guy behind us mimicking the jewish men at the wailing wall...scared the shit outta jacq...tongue-speaking is still scary...BUT I LOVE DON MOEN'S MUSIC! he's the only commercialised christian singer who doesnt carry airs about him...can tell that he is all out to glorify God...yep...

sunday too shagged to go to church, woke up late, felt bad cos havent been to visit ahma in 2 weeks, I MUST GO THIS SUNDAY! i miss ahma...roy's birthday! happy birthday bro!! one of the few ppl who have stuck by me since secondary school! got him red hush puppies briefs and a top from zara...and dinner at fish and co....gay outing, but nvm...unleashed the cheapo in me at G2000...sale, shirts at nineteen dollars...just grabbed...now have double the number of long sleeved shirts in my closet..after xiaobai joined us at bpp, i spent the night doing locvid...

woke up this morning with a terrible flu that is still killing me now....marketing exam on saturday...SCREWED

i swear my brains are leaking outta my nose...omg.... *sniffles* went through 4 packs of tissue today...halfway through my first box of tissues...

GOD SAVE ME!!!

2006-08-04T13:43:00.000+08:00

4 words at 2am that meant all the world to me

"i guess so, yeah..."

(n_n)

2006-08-01T20:55:00.000+08:00

the marketing green tea project is FINALLY OVER! stayeed over at car's place to rush our slides....everything was damn last minute...phew...THANK GOD jLo liked our product: HARD TEA...green tea with tongkat ali bits

wonder how he would have reacted to my idea of green tea that can be used to wash feet and for drinking purposes as well (but not after washing feet) ....BUT THAT DOESNT MATTER! ITS OVER!

bloody travel fares rising again...hmmmm...doesnt it coincide with the government's new regulation to fine bus companies for poor service like overcrowded buses or late buses? hmmm...tibs is probably anticipating the fines resulting from A CERTAIN BUS SERVICE 99 that takes FOREVER TO COME, and when it does come, it comes in PAIRS OR THREES!!! so much for regulation to protect the public, in the end, the conniving bus company makes us pay for asking for the better service that we deserve...

2006-07-27T17:07:00.000+08:00

CHECK IT OUT!! inspired by T105's blog

The Sunshine Puffs preeeeeesent!

MR CHOY KOK KEE!!! HOOOOOOO!!

i tried to add captions but i suck at using the blogger software, they show differently on different browsers, so i gave up..

he is so damn sporting! i laughed till i cried and had a tummyache

finally, the sunshine puffs with mr choy in our last consultation for the semester.. TT.TT

HARD TEA HOOOOOOOOOOOO!

sorry im kinda high

2006-07-23T18:25:00.000+08:00

projects are piling up..cookie didnt like my bus design...im very very very disappointed...genn and i spent quite some time on it..oh well, guess i aint arty enough, i even failed my bauhaus pamphlet design and my logo designs..changed filming to the end of this week and we still have LOTS of shit to do for marketing...doesnt help that there is a fucking flash project coming up and i dont know how the fuck im gonna do it...and the final 2 nails in my coffin are the marketing and medisoc exams...HAAAAAAARRRGHHHH GOD I WISH THIS SEMESTER WOULD END SOON! i dont want to fail ANY of my modules. neither do i wanna redo any of them...

i AM looking forward to next sem though...RADIO AND WRITT COMM! i WANT my 'a' for medisoc...its my only hope...the rest i would be extremely content to pass...

CHEAK YOU KNOW YOU HAVE TO WORK HARD! PUT DOWN THAT BAG OF CHIPS AND START STUDYING!!!

i pity my friends...i relieve stress by annoying them..

i have a new church partner! finally i have reason to wake up, though she is always earlier than me... T.T

someone was naughty while her parents were away...tsktsktsk

so different from anyone i have ever known before..

2006-07-19T17:23:00.000+08:00

chanced upon this on some guy's blog, umesh or something. yup, think its mighty related to marketing...ALL MASS COMM-ers, read and learn! haha...this is called sharing trade secrets

1) You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say:

"I am very rich. Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing

2) You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says:

"He's very rich. Marry him." - That's Advertising

3) You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say:

"Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me." - That's Telemarketing

4) You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car)for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say:

By the way, I'm rich. Will you marry me?" -

That's Public Relations

5) You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says:

You are very rich! Can you marry ! me?" -

That's B rand Recognition

6) You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say:

I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.

- That's Customer Feedback

7) You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say:

"I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband.

- That's demand and supply gap

8) You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she goes with him - That's competition eating into your market share
9) You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say:
"I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives. -

That's restriction for entering new markets

hope you will apply what you have learnt from this in the marketing exam on 12 august...if you do, i will be killing competitions from competitors...hoho!

2006-07-15T21:49:00.001+08:00

bigbig tee

towel bunny

hot chocolate

fried worms

chocolates

lollipop

kaitlyn, dylan and MICHELLE <3

pirates of the carribean

picking out the sweet popcorn for me :)

pretty fountain :D

cute lil angmoh kids

shoes that take 5 minutes to wear

not-so-creepy walk home from the bus stop

moving up the charts! (n_n)

singing "someone to watch over me" on the phone

making it easier to go through shit

tubby teddy

w.

2006-07-12T23:05:00.000+08:00

world cup is over, ITALY WON! i was right, ivan and scott owe me drinks, and i owe the bookies $24....dammit

quit bugging me to tell yall more... im not even sure about what is going on myself.. everyday brings new hopes and disappointments... and i dont not want to be a control freak (like laobu) or be a jerk... trying to balance both of that doesnt work out...im feeling damn guilty that i let you down, but yet i dont want to lose anything i have now. and more importantly, i dont want to get hurt again.

am i just looking out for myself?

or am i being selfish, expecting devotion when i dont deserve it?

running short of cash already...its times like these that i regret trusting my mother..

whom is one to trust when he cant trust his own mother?

maybe that is the root of all the shit im facing now.

i dont trust

2006-07-08T01:57:00.000+08:00

its not easy to be me

2006-07-06T14:48:00.000+08:00

=/ i dont know what to think anymore..just let it run its coursr

2006-07-02T21:26:00.000+08:00

my CUTECUTECUTE niece caryn! shes one of the reasons why i wanna be a daddy asap...i want a lil girl to be my lil princess.. :)

then theres my aunt and ahma at my cousin's wedding...they look damn alike right? haha...her daughter, my cousin just got married on friday....i love the idea of a simple wedding ceremony!! heh....

and the last photo is of director cheak!!! haha...sorry i just had to take this...

i really dont know what to think now =/
not even sure if i have the right impression

mixed signals

old memories

new circumstances

fresh blood

tight situations

seemingly blessings

double trouble?

tough choices

let go

broken promises

guilty conscience

so unbelievable

fat hope

what next?

2006-06-27T23:26:00.000+08:00

=/ same character, same smile, even the same name....

God why did you have to send them both at the same time!?

2006-06-22T16:58:00.000+08:00

everyone's so fashion-concious nowsadays...even beer bottles are dressing up!

and who says old people are not up to date with mordern style?
MY GRANDMA IS DAMN HIPHOP! CHECK OUT HER PANT LEGS!

2006-06-22T16:32:00.000+08:00

my baby is back. dont leave me

2006-06-21T14:24:00.000+08:00

marketing was passable....heh the goodluck kiss over the phone helped plenty, thanks baby.....

haha...suddenly remembered someone saying that i couldnt live without her...for quite some time i actually forgot that you existed...oh my, am i dead already? sorry im pretty much alive you ungrateful fucktard...go get yourself screwed you horny bitch...fuck off and go die

2006-06-20T01:12:00.000+08:00

i just visited the church of satan webbie...im seriously disturbed...some of the satanic laws are thinkings which i actually suscribe to...this is bad...i need to straighten myself out

but here's and interesting fact: the website of the church of satan was created purely on a Mac OS...apparantly the satanists are loyal fans of Apple, following their founder Anton La Vey....but Apple refused to allow them to put the badge "made with Mac"...on their webbie though...haha...satanists are scary...actually its the worship of carnal desires...its so appealing, its scary

2006-06-18T20:20:00.000+08:00

went out with char yesterday night...we were in search of the big chicken sculpture...found it at boat quay after a long hike from city hall mrt...took some pictures with it...she deleted all of them from my phone, claiming she looked fat...finee...

FINALLY SOMEONE DOESNT THINK IM GROSSLY OVERWEIGHT! heh...walked around the area, drank a lil heineken, talked a lot, fooled around a lil then went to take a free transport home from orsin cos i had extra night transport coupons...lol...

finally i know for sure the attachment is gone! im not gonna allow myself to be led on again...never

2006-06-17T18:03:00.000+08:00

Evanescence: Everybody's Fool

Perfect by nature
Icons of self indulgence
Just what we all need
More lies about a world that

Never was and never will be
Have you no shame? Don't you see me?
You know you've got everybody fooled

Look here she comes now
Bow down and stare in wonder
Oh how we love you
No flaws when you're pretending
But now I know she

Never was and never will be
You don't know how you've betrayed me
And somehow you've got everybody fooled

Without the mask, where will you hide?
Can't find yourself lost in your lie

I know the truth now
I know who you are
And I don't love you anymore

It Never was and never will be
You don't know how you've betrayed me
And somehow you've got everybody fooled

It never was and never will be
You're not real and you can't save me
Somehow now you're everybody's fool

Wow i didnt know they had a song written about you even before you fell out with me..so cool! fool...

2006-06-16T22:38:00.000+08:00

OH FUCK I JUST REALISED I PASTED THE SAME LINK AGAIN....

i feel dumb...ok people no need to do the lame survey...fuckit...thanks plenty though

ARRRRGHHH!

OKAY, THIS IS CONFIRM,GUARANTEE + CHOP THE CORRECT LINK!!! >>>>> http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.asp?u=867922245575

IM GONNA SCREAM!

2006-06-15T23:59:00.000+08:00

hi beautiful people...i apologise to put yall through this again, but i realised that the previous survey was not my piece of work...unknowingly, i contributed to another group member's survey...THIS one is mine...so please please please do me a huge favour and help me do this one!!!

copy and paste this link>>>>http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.asp?u=477882245571
please please please...im willing even to write you testimonials...just tag to lemme know who to write for...

dammit i sound desperate, BUT I AM SO FUCK IT!

didnt get to study at all today...we were too busy singing boyband songs in the library, shooting bubble tea pearls against the window and looking at beautiful people on friendster to study....

2006-06-15T01:09:00.000+08:00

im having these weird abdominal pains all of a sudden recently...i think its cos of my medication which im supposed to eat either during meals or immeadiately after meals....my tummy digests foods damn fast...so i guess my medication has been digesting the upper portion of my stomach...dammit.... its horibble

2006-06-13T16:16:00.000+08:00

why do you return to torment me..?

PEOPLE! IF YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, PLEASE DO THIS AND HELP ME GET OVER AND DONE WITH THIS SURVEY FOR SCHOOL!
COPY AND PASTE >>>> http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.asp?u=477882245571

i will be eternally grateful

karl cut my ear whilst cutting my hair...it was just a minor nick but he gave me a bottle of loreal shampoo to apologise..so nice..

my fucking flu is back...dammit

2006-06-06T01:23:00.000+08:00

today was prolly one of the fun-nest days of my life! debate in the morning didnt turn out all that bad actually, despite the very last minute preparation...i didnt get shot down by ms thomas all that much so pheww...

BUT the fun part came after scoo...reina, joyce and i left our stuff at caroline's place then went t cold storage to shop for supplies for a lil surprise we were gonna give ivan and caroline. their birthdays are tommorow and day after respectively..so we bought a whole chicken, some whipped cream, chocolate syrup, mini-m&ms, party hats, party toys and a real cake. outside cold storage, we started assembling the decoy cake: a pandan chiffon cake that i had bought the day before was doused with whipped cream, chocolate syrup and sprinkled with the mini m&ms...things started getting a lil messy when the bloody whipped cream started melting..cabbed back..

went back to car's place, put on our party hats at the stairwell, left the real cake outside, lit candles on the decoy cake and surprised her at the door..then went upstairs to find ivan..wahahaha..then sang them a birthday song and made car pick out the blue m&ms, smashing her face into the cake in the process...ivan tried to run..but he couldnt hide..he got most of the cake

there was a slight hitch with ivan's contact lenses so we left him in the toilet to recover..meanwhile we brought in the real cake..singsong (again) and cut cake and eat chicken...gave them 2 bottles with superhero caps as presents..then stoned in car's room making music videos and wreaking havoc...joyce signed into the msn and found me online..but the thing was, I WASNT ONLINE! some girl called helena tan had apparantly signed into her own msn account and found herself in mine instead...awfully weird...the others said it was fate..when i checked out the girl's friendster, i PRAYED THAT IT WASNT FATE...haha...she wasnt exactly the hottest chick in the world lah...then the two dirty birthday people went to shower, then we all went to holland v for drinks...

played "guess fist" at walawala apart from having drinks of our own...then migrated over to breko for more drinks after the happy hours at wala passed...car left...then the alcohol started taking effeect on kian...just 2 pints of hoegaarden and a lil heineken made him MAD...tell him a lame joke and he would start laughing at for a good 20 minutes...told him quite a few so he was laughing all the way...he even laughed at the name of the toilet cubicle "claytard" cos it sounded like his friend "clayton"...seriously wasted...when he went high, he made us all high with him lah...he kept cursing at the tennis game on TV...

kian:"HAHAHAHAHA INFRARED...HAHAHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
kian: FUCK FEDERER!
kian (to the passing waiter): WASSSSUP!!!
kian: hahahahahaha claytard...clayton....Hahahahahahahah

found out that andy is joyce's ex..wow small worldd....omg...the worst part is when joyce started getting high too...then both of them were stumbling around...i was still having the effect of flu medication when i drank...so started off quite knocked out leaning against the wall singing that it was my wonderwall...then when i sobered up and they went bonkers, haha....

even on the way out, kian was like screaming," FEDERER SUCKS!" at the top of his lungs...like all the way till he stumbled into the cab...hahaha...ok then joyce, reina, ivan and i got in another cab...joyce was still high..her bf called and she started saying alot of unrelated stuff...poor guy wust have been worried nuts....she finally slammed the phone on him...poor guy...apologised profusely to the cab driver...poor guy...

got off and came home...wonder what happened in the cab after that...

ok gonna meet the same retards tml at the national lib...

2006-06-01T11:34:00.000+08:00

kian should be telling this story but im doing it on his behalf.. he was late for S&W yesterday morning.. after netball we went to change.. he couldnt find his phone in his bag.. so he asked me to call him, not taking it too seriously... i did.. and no sound came from his bag..it wasnt on silent mode..panic showed on his face..he went back to look for it on the track but found nothing.. there was still a dial tone, so i deduced that no one had taken it.. it was 10 00hrs

kian thought he had dropped it on the cab..i thought he had left it at home..after school he left his bag with me in the atrium and went home to look.. meanwhile, ivan, who was with us all this while but had left class earlier, kept messaging me the numbers of the cab companies as he read them off the cabs which passed by..haha...

when kian reached home, he found that he had left his keys in his bag..so he went to his neighbour's place, used mel to find my number, called me to fetch his keys all the way down to toa payoh...asshole

so i left genn with the bags and went down..THEM KEYS WERENT IN HIS ROOM! so kian went online to seek out the cab company numbers..called every cab company there was..on the way back to school he looked rather anxious..his mom was overseas and he wouldnt be able to get another SIM card.. all this while i kept calling his number.. there was still a dial tone..i prayed that God would help us find it..

back in school..checked with security: no luck..so we retraced his steps since he dropped off at the sports complex that morning...no luck in the carpark..then we went down the steps at the sports complex..check every drain and scanned every grass patch along the way..no luck..

then we went back to the netball court...nothing on the court..then kian noticed something lying on the edge of the soccer field.. he dashed forward and picked it up... it was his phone..time: 14 36hrs..

THANK GOD! as kian said, what are the chances of him finding his phone lying on the field after 4 and a half hours..imagine within that time, plenty of people passed it by but didnt notice it..it was just lying there waiting to be found for more than 4 hours! we had gone all over the island searching for it, asked every mercedes cab driver if he had found anything.. wow...thank the Lord! miracle eh? i knew God would help us find it..there WILL be MIRACLES when you BELIEVE..my faith repaid me in a way which i would never have expected.. when i prayed that God would help us find it, i was thinking along the lines of an honest cab driver returning it...that would be a miracle enough nowadays..but instead God decided to show that he is way more capable of more miraculous things than that..like WOW!

projects are confusing me..seems like everything that needs to be done has already been done...but somehow my other group members make it seem like there is plenty more that is undone! what makes it worse is that no one gives me much to do, and even if they do, it seems like the task does not leave much more to be accomplished..so i dont put much effort into it..it makes me feel bad to be slacking away when all my group members are slogging away..but i just dont know what to do! arghhh...so dumb

2006-05-29T23:19:00.000+08:00

i hate it when people say i resemble my father.

i dont even have an inkling to why they do. whenever i have the chance to look in the mirror, the closest ressemblance i see between the both of us is the horrible skin. just in case any of you out there think my acne is cos im too blardy lazy to take care of my skin, you are mistaken. its fricking heriditary. sad huh? not only did he leave emotional scars, he left physical ones too..all over my blardy face...

i was sitting down watching tv when aunt obeserved aloud that i look more like him now cos im fatter. at first i was too lazy to train, now im determined to work off as much 'resemblence' as possible. running and swimming is on the cards: ehh i know i said that a long time ago, but now its different. the cards are now on the table. haha

aunt also says that i look like laopeh when i smile. from now on i shall limit my smiles. think long faces, frowns or stony expressions!

its not that he did anything to me directly to make me hate him. i dont hate him. im just fricking disappointed in him. he claims to be a christian. but he obeys his wife. im not too sure, but my version of the bible tells WIVES to SUBMIT to their HUSBANDS. hmmm, maybe mine is a satanic bible. im sorry i brought it up. i forgot for a moment that im supposed to be EVIL, the NEMESIS of all GODLY people. sorry

i dont want to have anything to link with him. sure, i used to respect him for taking care of my grandparents. but now he's neglecting my grandmother for his GODLY activities. im sure he is right. everytime i see her lose her balance for a moment before steadying herself, my heart skips a beat. i worry

i worry so fricking much about ahma. i worry bout what will happen to her when my sisters are in sch, when laobu is on one of her MANY trips in a single day down to the market to buy leftover,cheaper stocks of the grocers. i wonder when ahma might finally lose her balance and not be able to steady herself in time. ahma laments to me whenever i go to visit. she laments about being left alone at home. she wonders what will happen if she dies at home and no one is there to be by her side. she laments my absence, how i used to stay home to look after her. she knows how fucking selfish my parents are. how they pretend to care about her when they fucking dont. how my fucking laobu instigates laopeh to leave his aged mother alone at home. just found out from grandma that laobu started leaving the house early and coming home late after she joined her church. hmmmm...thats strange..laobu used to rant at me for going out early and coming home late. i didnt know i was actually using her own method to avoid her! wow...do unto others what you want others to do to you eh? laopeh's a horrible son. aint that strange? im a horrible son too? hmmm

all i can do is pray for ahma.

Lord FAther, i pray now that you will keep ahma safe. please give her strength in her legs. please give her good health. please Lord Father. i cant be there everyday for her. i cant be there 24/7 Lord. but you can. you are omnipotent, omnipresent. you are everywhere and can do anything Lord Father. so i entrust ahma to you in faith. an easy task for a magnificent God. i pray before everyone in faith that you will answer my prayer to keep my ahma safe. and most of all Lord Father, keep her close to you. accompany her when im not there for her. you know how lonely she is after grandpa died. comfort her Lord God. i place her in your hands. please Lord. Amen

2006-05-27T22:23:00.000+08:00

omg the bitching is getting heavy !

IT FEELS LIKE 3/4 all over again! I LOVE IT

2006-05-26T21:32:00.000+08:00

some people ae just too nice for their own good
some people are just too callous

some people are just try to do their part
some people are just plain stubborn

some people just dont give a fuck
some people make it their life's mission to fuck you upside down

some people cant help being bitchy
some people must learn how to bitch properly

dont trust anyone, not even the ones closest to you.i have been sold out by the people i trusted on. the supports i heavily leaned on removed themselves from under me...i landed hard, but you can fall any further when you are already on Ground Zero.

for a moment i thought something was seriously wrong with me. i have all along been brutally honest, sometimes more brutal than honest. i thought i had turned into a bigger asshole. you nearly had me there. now im certain. IM RIGHT AND YOU ARE WRONG. i havent changed all that much. its YOU. people can still stand the fucktard in me. you cant even stand the counsellor in me.

im not gonna depend on anyone anymore
ima stand on my own two hairy legs
screw expecations
screw pride
screw overconfidence

screw you. fuck off and go die

2006-05-23T14:58:00.000+08:00

i got two words for you: MARKETING QUIZ

i got some figures for you: 10%

finally i got an 'F' word for ya: FLUNK

hehe...this is what you get for helping out at work...should have 'no show'....only reached home at fricking three am...could not get to study...absolutely nothing went in.....

im so relieved that some people share my views...i thought i was becoming a petty bastard

dammit...office life is so gonna be summarised in the next sentence "cold,stale coffee, warm, fresh photocopies"

2006-05-19T00:49:00.000+08:00

it used to be
i would never be alone
you sat on the bus next to me
as i sent you home

you would link your arm with mine
rest your head upon my chest
you would pass the time
listening to my heart beating in my breast

i wake up
its all a dream
i lift my head up
from the bus's sidescreen

i look beside me
the seat is empty
i soujourn alone
brush my hand across the seat
its warm
just vacated
henceforth
i journey alone

no one sits beside me on the bus
no one dares to
menacing glares at tired commuters
fending them off
from the seat reserved for you
squirming in my place
weariness etched on my face

you will come back
i know you will
be with me
on this journey
the seat is cold now
the bus is empty

its dark outside
thunder rumbles
its cold inside
huddled in a corner
needing a cuddle

splashing
on the empty seat
they roll down my face
misery

i weep now
i hope
i pray

i long
im resigned

please come back someday....

dammit i missed the barca match this morning...fricking hell...they didnt disappoint me anyway...hmmm i'd thought no one would ever visit my blog... was kinda curious as to the amount of traffic i get so put up a counter 2 days ago...seems like i average about 40 views a day...not all that bad for a crappy blog eh? or maybe people just like controversy...

got so much projects,assignments and deadlines! i have no fricking idea where to start! arghhh.....ima work harder...neeed that frickin diploma with merit!!!!

2006-05-15T22:12:00.000+08:00

my deardear anonymous...i wonder how you could tag without getting your facts straight...tsktsktsk...

first of all, i DO know exactly why some people in my class have a problem with me...cos they are stubborn (like me), and proud (like me), and are sometimes willing to make random arguements no matter how useless they are just to save their face (like YOU)....and some of them, did not have a problem with me to begin with, but have to stick with the closer party, so arent really on my side either...i dont blame them...i would have done the same...

basically, they have the same problem with me as you have with me...they dont like what i say, cos whatever i say is usually rash and scalding....but you cant blame them, they arent used to my style of talking, its natural that whatever i say might just offend them...they havent had the chance to experience the less-asshole side of me....

YOU are different, YOU endured the worst of me before, YOU had a few tiffs with me before, but after that, YOU still saw something in me which made you come back

YOU have no excuse this time round to turn on me like that, but of course i cant blame you much either, cause you have changed plenty...imagine someone who values loyalty to cheat on her then-bf with a relative...someone who seemed to value friendships suddenly turned against a clique member(who was a friend since primary school) and finally turning against her close friend who followed her up to JC....

i knew my turn would come soon...i mentioned it to YOU, YOU just laughed it off...now its come true...i told you before, im seldom wrong....im not the one in the wrong here, its obviously YOU who has changed..i would love to see your next move

take this as a gentle reminder to all...DO NOT ATTACK ME ON MY BLOG TAG BOARD...unless you are prepared for a major dissing..

and dear ANONYMOUS...i would suggest YOU shut up real soon, cos i know plenty bout YOU that could seriously damage your reputation...i suggest you do not test my limits...im not that benevolent when people turn their backs on me...i make sure a blade is firmly embedded in those same backs

2006-05-15T01:16:00.000+08:00

my FRIENDS know me as a brutally honest guy, one who is never afraid to give his pure opinion on things. one who is never afraid to hurt anyone's feelings if it concerns enlightening them upon the cold hard truth. im a frank sonofabitch

i know it hurts to be put down. but i dont care. i make it a point to make sure that i constantly put down those whom i treat as FRIENDS. why? cos i know firsthand the deadly chain reactions caused by conceit and self-satisfaction. so i rather i make my friends feel less high and mighty (more down-to-earth) than be just a yes-man and let them feel like the rulers of the world. if you dont understand that then you are better-off without this asshole as a friend

so, my dear FRIEND. if you want an apology for what i said, here it is:

im so SORRY that i was honest
im SORRY that the truth hurt
im SORRY that i had to tug at the painful root of the problem
im SORRY that i had to tug your head down from amongst the clouds
im SORRY that i do not dilute the truth
im SORRY that i do not sweet talk
im SORRY that i lent you cash in times of need
im SORRY that i was there when you needed me
im SORRY that i put you before me
im SORRY that i ever tried to help you

IF i get a CHANCE to ATONE for my TRANSGRESSIONS, i promise i will,

never be totally honest with you again
tell you what you WANT to hear (ie you are the most beautiful woman in the world)
dilute the truth so that it doesnt hurt so bad and so you can ignore the roots of problems easily
make it seem like the whole world revolves around you
allow you to live in your world where everyone loves you for who you are
abandon you in times of need
and
dump you like all my fellow JERKS when i have had my fun and GOTTEN you

have fun miss, hope some cute guy gets into your pants real soon and make you feel like you are in heaven and thanks for jerking me back to the reality that i dont have that many true friends after all :)

2006-05-14T21:53:00.000+08:00

mothers' day. after church ran around the bukit batok market in search of flowers and potted plants....got 2 potted plants for both grandmas, a bouquet for third aunt, a single flower for yanti..ah ma was so happy...haha...shes so damn cute...got her a slice of cake and sang her a birthday song...ah ma was adopted so she didnt know her real birthday...so we celebrate her birthday every mothers' day...

today was also the first time laobu said something to me in so long...as i was leaving and walking down the stairs, i met them coming back from lunch....i said bye to my lil sis...then laobu glared at me like a daughter of a murder victim would glare at the convicted murderer..and she said something to the tune of "dont lead my mother to hell"

oh hoho! so now im the bad testimony in her family eh?
of course, she does have a point there...definitely, giving my grandma flowers for mothers day would make her less want to put her faith in Jesue...oh damn, i ruined the perfect shining testimony laobu gave which climaxed in her chasing out of the demonized, evil, god-forsaken son of hers....im so sorry laobu..im sure your way of condemning people in their face without respecting their beliefs was THE way to go... *rolls eyes*

oh well, i just laughed that bitch off and went on my way...

hid the flowers upstairs and went down like i had just come back..

dinner was a sumptous affair..lots of cousins and uncles and aunts and nephews and nieces came over...yeah...SHARKSFIN....and muchmuch more...im a happily heavy man now

they started taking photos...so i brought down the flowers....wow i didnt know grandma loves purple...i had gotten her purple flowers...yeah

shite i just realised i forgot to pass enhui's presents to all the mothers amongst my relatives...dammit...they have all gone home

scoo tml...

2006-05-12T00:01:00.000+08:00

today was a shit day...woke up early, thought i was on time..stoned in the toilet while shitting...rushed outta the house, wearing the track pants which closely ressemble pyajamas..just missed the 99...waited for the next one to come...took bloody long to come...waited for about 20 minutes before it appeared...a few stops down it passed the bus which i had missed...the missed bus had broken down at a traffic junction...thought it wasnt such a bad day after all....

then came the sms from reina: class was cancelled today and school only started at three...dammmit...rushed outta the house in pyajamas for nothing...got off the bus, crossed over and went back home

14 10 hrs...left the house early wearing slightly more decent clothes...thought i would definitely not miss the bus this time round...in fact, i was so early, i just missed the earlier one....sat back and waited...and waited..for twenty fucking minutes...bus finally came....thought i could make it to class on the dot in that case...but the bus took fricking long to reach the bus stop wher e i normally change buses...saw the asses of 52 and 154 in the distance when the bus was stuck at the fricking traffic light...watched in frustratation was they disappeared into the fucking cloud of exhaust in the distance...bitch

after i alighted and sat at the bus stop, a familiar number appeared within a minute...it was ANOTHER 99...fucking driver had dilly-dallied so fucking much that his colleauge had caught up from behind...fuck it...waited another 22 minutes, and another two 99s, before the fucking 52 appeared with the 154 close on its hind wheeels...dont understand why bus companies dont space out their fricking buses evenly...fucking stupid

after i alighted i half-jogged in...im fricking unfit...was a minute after the 15 15 mark...dammit..

and when i came home, watched american idol...CHRIS WAS OUT! wtf....im so gonna boycott american idol from now on...

my life is so boring i can write 5 paragraphs about travelling to school...im such a loser

mother's day shopping is on the cards! for the past decade i havent had a REAL mother...this year, i have FOUR! wow...lol...its not as if they are god-mums or anything...they are 4 women who i love for caring for me so much...

1. MY AH MA! : my laopeh's mother...the closest remnant of my cheak grandpa's legacy...i love her to bits for her cute smiles and her playful admonishings and most of all for standing up for me...

2. MY GRANDMA! : my laobu's mother: cares for me now after the agony of having a crazy daughter(laobu)...love her for taking me in when my birth mother threw me out...i owe my increasing obesity to her!

3. MY THIRD AUNT: grandma gave birth to her just before she shitted laobu out....though sometimes somethings she does upset me, she still cares...she PAYS for my education, unlike some bitch who robs me of my education funds...she just wants me to be happy and lets me experience stuff for myself

4. YANTI! : haha..she is the indonesian maid staying with grandma...she makes it her life's mission to ensure that im always chewing on something...always frying eggs for me, warming up leftovers, cooking instant noodles etc...another one responsible for my increasing mass...while i was so skinny staying with my parents, i am now well-fed with real food, (not some leftover, unfresh stock which the grocer was trying to clear at a lower price)...pity yanti is going back to indo soon...like in august? dammit..i will be grateful

yeah...4 presents to get...ironically none of them include the woman who tried ever so hard to keep her iron-grip round bout her 'son's' neck, trying to keep him in the darkness of religious fanaticism...but failed....awww, what a horrible son i am...after all, mothers give birth to sons so they have creatures to do whatever they want them to right? to believe that they know best right? to, in other words, treat them as gods, right?

aww damn, i havent been a good son....tsktsktsk...i should just go to hell

oh btw happy birthday to ber in australia!

2006-05-09T00:20:00.000+08:00

.i.L.u.

still do,

always will

stay strong

you dont have to be alone in all this shit...

but now im the lonely one

2006-05-08T23:54:00.000+08:00

i have a feeling that someone is planting laxatives in my food...i keep shitting a few times a day...like 3-4 times a day...its not lao sai anymore...its just very soft shit...alright i know i should go easy on the details...arghhh...in fact i need a shit right now

i really do wish some people would just grow up...either i have become more offensive, or mebbe im being faced with childish , easily-offended fucktards like my mother....is one year really that much of i difference in maturity? fuck maturity shouldnt be gauged by years of existence...i said so myself

ok time to stop bull-shitting and go take a shit

2006-05-07T00:10:00.000+08:00

james's tag reminded me, i was too moody last night that i missed out on his birthday celebrations! we went to indochine for dinner...some peeps from sevenfive...yeahh...the food we ordered wasnt too good lahh...but james looked happy...its strange but nice to see the stony-faced guy smile so much...

went over to the club side of indochine to cut the cake....jiawen had asked his hwachong friends over...after he posed for photo lying across their laps, they didnt release him just yet...instead, as each of them restrained him with one arm, each used the other to calmly strip him....damn funny...i nearly got a stitch laughing....they only got as far as removing his shirt and belt (there were hostile-looking bouncers around)...highlight of the evening...he then had a flaming lambo (which refused to catch fire)...then before i could order any drinks, we went home...well done...

just had durians at home....im happy

happy birthday in advance james! happy birthday to my dear milk-daughter alison!

countless technical problems in the news telecast of the elections...mediacorp tv sure is cocked up.... =/

2006-05-05T18:04:00.001+08:00

face it cheak: nobody likes you...oughta get new drinking kakis

2006-05-05T18:04:00.000+08:00

maybe im a lil slow, but i just found the video of this children's show ms sab was talking about in GP...its fucking funny... check it out --> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBlnpXNluTA&search=banned

sorry bout the link though, doesnt work...so just copy and paste....

while you are at it, check out this nazi cartoon by disney too...fucking lame ---> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-jbA437FHFU&search=banned

2006-05-04T20:56:00.000+08:00

i think im screwed...just realised that my NS medical appointment is tml...morning at like eight am..i havent defered yet....if i git called up suddenly im so screwed lah...will be so so troublesome..wonder if i still have to turn up for the medical appointment tml...im not too sure if i can make it to school on time if i go...lessons begin at eleven

2006-05-02T20:52:00.000+08:00

i dont need you

2006-05-01T20:37:00.000+08:00

nehneh woke me up this morning to go swimming...kept rushing me to get out before it stopped being sunny...haha...im not her boyfriend, so i exercised my right to make her wait....bleaaahhh...we decided to gatecrash a condo cos she didnt wanna go to a public pool or the beach...didnt do anything in the end...was cloudy when we reached and soon it started pouring...

hung around queensway abit..nehneh was looking around for bags...we were in this sports shop..suddenly i saw this bag that looked rather out of place, partially hidden in a corner...it didnt look very sporty and was like golden with some sequins on it...so i picked it up...it felt rather full..then i heard a voice behind me

"thats mine, thank you"

i turned, this angmoh customer was staring at me with her boyfriend looking slightly amused...i had picked up her bag by accident! i quickly apologised and fled...wonder what she thought i was doing with her bag...no wonder it looked out of place...im turning dumb

was so fucking irritated today...somehow or rather, the people around me seemed to want to stand on the spot where i was standing on...like for example, when i was taking a look at a particular shoe, i would see this couple approaching in my peripheral vision...so i would stand closer to the display to allow them to pass: they wouldnt...they would fucking stop right behind me and the girl would point past me to the shoe above the one i was eyeing and tell her hubby that she wanted it, so i would have to move over to give the guy a better view...when i move to a new spot, the shopkeeper would shove me aside, put a ladder in my place and start looking for shoes...is everyone out to annoy me?!

was at mac when we saw this really cute jap lil girl...i didnt know they actually say 'itadakimase" before they it, (i thought they only do it in naruto)..then suddenly these 3 ah lians swaggered in, techno music blasting on their handphone speakers...they were dressed in very 'act jap' apparel, heads swaying to the music, and plonked their lian asses right next to us....they really thought they were damn cool lah! then suddenly a new techno tune came blasting on...one of their phones was ringing...the owner picked up the call...i so expected her to speak in either chinese or hokkien, but she went (in loud, husky broken english) "HELLO? ....I AT QUEENSWAY!"
apparently the joker on the other side was rather deaf (or mebbe he couldnt hear her over the techno blasting in the background) she kept repeating the same thing over and over again, with increasing volume (but unimproved grammar)..
they were so fucking cartoon, i looked at nette and she looked at me...we tried very hard to stop ourselves from doubling over in laughter....i was afraid i couldnt control myself, so we upped and went, burst out laughing at the entrance to mac...fucking cartoon

aint no fun to lao sai...fucking had tummyaches the whole of today whenever i was standing up..had to sit down every now and then...didnt help that there wasnt any toilet paper provided in queensway....fucked up

its back to school tml...havent really touched my assignments...screwed

2006-04-30T23:42:00.000+08:00

yesterday work..wanted to go off early, kelvin sam wouldnt let me...finally know who the 2nd oriental yingying is...quite pretty...hehehehehhehe

neways reached home at like 2.30am....went to bed at 3.30...couldnt sleep till six plus...had to wake up at seven thirty....third aunt wouldnt let me sleep cos i had agreed to go to malaysia with them...felt fucking sick lah....didnt have much appetite the whole day...as usual couldnt find much stuff to get in malaysia....wanted to get some shoes but didnt have my size.... malaysians dont have yeti feet like me....was aching all over...felt like shitting real bad too...went for thai massage at jusco...(its not those sleazy kinds lah)...my nephew was with his parents in the other room...he was threatening to throw his ultraman toys over the partition....damn naughty boy...was irritating me throughout the whole trip..didnt help that it felt like my brain was pulling my eyes inwards by their optic nerves

couldnt communicate with the thai massussue (is this how you spell it?)...seems like the only words she knew were "sabai" and "shu foo"....so whenever she asked me if it felt comfortable, i would just grunt my approval, despite being in some toe-curling pain...tummy was bloated from needing to shit...think had alot of gas inside...part of the tenseness was from trying to keep my gas in...however, my efforts were shattered when she lifted my legs to stretch them.....i let one rip....so paiseh! i practically farted in her fa e....throughout the whole session i farted quite a few more times as well....the massuse (or is this how you spell it?) was quite nice about it....she kept chattering to her colleauge in thai...wonder what she was saying...

after watching them eat lunch went to laosai....then slept in the car whilst they shopped around...went to collect photos, buy pirated dvds, eat dinner then went home...causeway was fucking jammed...so jammed that they blocked the road.....went to second link...didnt end up at kota tinggi again...thank God....im finally home...need a bath desperately...

seem to have gotten off on the wrong foot with some of my classmates...never had this problem before...have i changed?? ionno...somehow i just dont give a fuck anymore...i dont even know if im doing it on purpose....just to make myself a loner so i can concentrate on my studies...yup im weird...whether its my fault or not is not important....all i know is that im in a mess now...lets just see what happens on tuesday...ima become cheak the tiresome dickhead

rap can be nonsensical, like stupid rappers like diddy and 50 cent...just rap bout fucking bitches, clubbing and bragging bout shit that dont even exist
it can also be an outlet for thoughts and feelings..eminem is to me one of the greatest lyricists that ever lived...its not just music, its meaning

i love these portions of eminem's song "hailie's song", its just so 'me'...can really relate to him

Some days I sit, starin out the window

Watchin this world pass me by

Sometimes I think theres nothin to live for

I almost break down and cry

Somtimes I think I'm crazy

I'm crazy, oh so crazy

Why am I here, am I just wasting my time?
.
.
.
Somtimes it feels like the world's on my shoulders

Everyone's leanin on me

Cuz sometimes it feels like the world's almost over

But then she comes back to me
.
.
.
People make jokes, cuz they don't understand me

They just dont see my real side

I act like shit don't phase me,

Inside it drives me crazy

My insecurities could eat me alive
.
.
.
But I wanna just take this time out to be perfectly honest

Cuz there's a lot of shit I keep bottled that hurts deep inside o' my soul,

And just know that I grow colder the older I grow

This boulder on my shoulder gets heavy and harder to hold

And this load is like the weight of the world

And I think my neck is breaking should I just give up,

Or try to live up to these expectations?
.
.
But I handle it well, given the circumstances I'm dealt

So many chances, man, it's too bad, coulda had someone else

But the years that I've wasted are nothing to the tears that I've tasted

2006-04-27T21:51:00.001+08:00

was late for school today...damn fuck...the 157 took fucking long to come....met the bus conductor on it..thank God he didnt check me...then cos it was still early, waited for the 61.......waited till i was late...and when it finally did come, it was full up....fucking insolent bus driver refused to open the front door...nearly gave him the finger...think he must have been masturbating at the interchange and forgot that he had a bus to drive...

was thinking of taking cab...but there was none...annother 61 came so took it...bendy and fucking empty....then ran to class..fuck man...came in 3 mins before i would have been marked absent...lecturer is this fucking cute korean guy...haha...reina says he looks like a laughing buddha..im inclined to agree...though we cant understand half of what he says due to his heavy accent, it seems like im going to live for friday morning location video production workshop classes!!! for this semester at least....finally im learning something related to my future

saw the cheryl fox lookalike today again...somehow she doesnt look that hot anymore...shes got the same appeal as june from jc...but somehow im not into that kind of girls..and shes quite chubby...AND SHES ATTACHED! arggh fuckit....

went to eat kfc with kian and caroline after sch....actually i just watched them eat...lol....then kian and i went to play pool...i totally suck now...i need my cue real bad...jiawen just called me...THE SPASTIC FIVE ARE GOING FOR DINNER! waaaaaHHHH!! so happy! FINALLY! i miss them so much! spastic 5 featuring james...lol....later gonna drink with nehneh and mebbe roy...its not gonna be such a bad day after all..

2006-04-27T21:51:00.000+08:00

why do girls always make guys seem like assholes/jerks/bastards?

why is it always the guy's fault?

never heard any guy come out on his own to admit that his girlfriend treats him bad

he might have started the quarrel, probably meant it to be goodnatured, you turned it around, made it hell, only made it known that he started the quarrel, and WALA! he becomes the quarrelsome asshole who can never live in peace with anyone, why?

"he started it!"

guys dont want to lose face, ego makes them seem like assholes
girls just want sympathy, bitchiness makes them seem like helpless victims

school is getting monotonous already...many modules this semester are totally not my cup of tea....though it means that after this semester, virtually everything would be fun for me, this sem might just make me lose interest in it all...hmmmm...

i miss jc, miss the spastics, miss secondary school, miss the 3/4 dark side....i dont know...its been different since you left...i gained strength when you came into my life...i lost everything when you left..i flunked jc because of you, i know it wasnt your fault that you did all that you did, but was it my fault that i read into it? did you turn me into a jerk? or did you bring out the jerk in me? we came clean yesterday after so long..if you were honest, everything is cleared up...i wont go emo over you ever again..i wont allow myself to..this will be my final raving...i will go silent....

God was so loving as to put you in my life
so cruel as to snatch you away
put within me a painful strife
but faithfully helping me everyday

my God is a faithful God, my God is a loving God, my God is a mysterious God

is he going to allow me to fail poly too?
that i cant afford to do..

dammit...where is my bible when i need it?

tummy hurts...im going mad

silence

2006-04-24T23:14:00.000+08:00

yesterday went to malaysia....didnt have anything to get...so didnt buy anything...its damn scary...you get many sporting brand goods which are designs which you havent seen before...and they are made in malaysia...and its in major shopping centres....its scary cos nike and adidas do not have factories in malaysia....and these pirated goods are sold next to the originals...and it doesnt help that designs nowadays are getting worse and worse...original goods are losing their flavor, starting to look no better than fakes....so i didnt get anything at all

but camel active shoes are damn cheap there...and damn comfy...i might just get a pair........haha

today was the first day of sch...i lugged my ibook around for nothing! dont like more than half my class...they are weird...like seriously...and i dont like most of my modules either....other than location video production, i really dont like the others: marketing is waaaay too econs...thank God the lecturer aint as incompetent as my previous econs teacher...lol...
graphic design is too arty too...i hope i can make it through both modules though...media in society, tough module...but very interesting...very GP...very stimulating...i hope i can do well...yeahhh

new school, new course, new style of learning
moving forward in life but stuck in the past
love you, miss you, need you bad

2006-04-24T22:46:00.000+08:00

2006-04-21T23:12:00.000+08:00

school today wasnt fun...finally i know who is reina lah...half-ran to school cos i was late in meeting her and she was waiting for me with someone she just met...pressured me lah! cos of her, i stank the whole day cos i was sweating like a pig...

neways....ITS SO DISAPPOINTING!! aaarggh...first of all, when i looked around, there are not many hot chicks!!! and, like totally none in my class..and the cheryl fox lookalike whom faris was talking about? SHE IS IN FSV, NOT MASS COMM!!!! HAAAARGH....so disappointing! shes quite hot though, i have to admit...hehe...im in the same class as reina though, but not the same one as wentong..dammit....saw practically everyone whom i know in ngeeann today...haha...first saw jasmine! dammit shes my senior now....and clara from esplanade bar....and elin! the hot usher...hehe....later saw johanna and hafizah too...guess me classmates must have the impression that im like very popular or something...haha...so dumb...even met like 7 commonwealthians...they know me, but i dont know them...haha....so dumb...and some peeps from orientation..

so i left halfway...ya...screw the dumb telematch and cca shit....school hasnt even started and i have already started ponning...this is BAAAAAD.....came straight home cos i stank...at least now i dont dread going home....i have more reason to go home straight after school nowadays...

downloaded senuti...its this program that can transfer songs from ipod to my iboook....NO MORE REPLACING NETTE"S SONGS WITH MINE! muahahahaha.....

She just msged to wish me goodnight! all these lil things.......they just make my day, even though theres not much of it left...haha

i dont want to be hung up no more........am i hung up over Her?

2006-04-20T22:50:00.001+08:00

sunday we celebrated weini's birthday....only then did i know that all was over between her and kimpeng....dammmit....i even asked her where he was before i knew...neways shes ok...she told us the story of what happened...my impression of kimpeng as the most perfect boyfriend is dashed...couldnt believe he could do such things....

after dinner sent weini to hbf mrt with amy...chatted at macs....while we were talking about amy and edwin, he called! poor amy...crying on the phone...shes too nice and forgiving for her own good...

been working like fuck for the past few days...yesterday night afer work met ZHENG ZHIYUAN on the bus...haha...my deardear ex....neways havent seen her in damn long...shes like damn busy in school...she told me stuff...her former best friend now seems like a total loser....

today went to cut hair...at reds academy...after the haircut, i turned my head and i saw a familiar face...it was jasmin from my sec sch...shes like this hair model for reds...wow...went to collect pay and meet nette at work..... walked around marina square a bit....she told me about jh....im kinda worried for myself...cos to me, jh's mentality is around the same as mine...and what he did, i probably would too...most ppl would say he is a jerk....that means that they would be saying the same of me.....dammit...am i a jerk in hiding?

tml is orientation....yay haha...

2006-04-20T22:50:00.000+08:00

2006-04-15T22:41:00.002+08:00

WA DAMN SHIOK! im like using the internet on my ibook! havent even installed my router! im tapping some kind soul's wireless network! so so so happy!

neways yesterday in the end didnt manage to watch ice age 2 cos we didnt have the time....went drinking at the purple light district instead with roy....we all peed in the carpark.....haha...even lynette....but i didnt peek! haha

tried to kope all of nette's music in her nano but ended up erasing all of it and replacing it wwith the music in my ibook...poor girl....

went a lil crazy and msged Her...so dumb...got a dressingdown from nette....She replied me today though! happy happy....returned nette her cable today, with a mars bar to say i was sorry bout all the trouble...

the feeling She gives me is the same i get when going down the swing
exhilaration
joy
cant help but smile
not a spastic smile
a smile of utter bliss

2006-04-15T22:41:00.001+08:00

2006-04-15T22:41:00.000+08:00

2006-04-14T17:08:00.000+08:00

I MISS DAWN! miss disturbing her so so much....haha...heres an excerpt from one of our online conversations...

{!!~cHËãK~??} Mr. Lonely don't be ridiculous says:
so i can

{!!~cHËãK~??} Mr. Lonely don't be ridiculous says:
fully comprehend

{!!~cHËãK~??} Mr. Lonely don't be ridiculous says:
the extent

{!!~cHËãK~??} Mr. Lonely don't be ridiculous says:
of

{!!~cHËãK~??} Mr. Lonely don't be ridiculous says:
your

{!!~cHËãK~??} Mr. Lonely don't be ridiculous says:
HORNYNESS!

what do you do when it all falls apart says:
!!!!!!!!!!

what do you do when it all falls apart says:
NOOOOO.....

what do you do when it all falls apart says:
pls la

{!!~cHËãK~??} Mr. Lonely don't be ridiculous says:
haa

{!!~cHËãK~??} Mr. Lonely don't be ridiculous says:
tsktsk

{!!~cHËãK~??} Mr. Lonely don't be ridiculous says:
dawndawn

what do you do when it all falls apart says:
u also have some lkind of inkling of what u'd like right

{!!~cHËãK~??} Mr. Lonely don't be ridiculous says:
afraid of me playing with your belly piercing

{!!~cHËãK~??} Mr. Lonely don't be ridiculous says:
but yet

{!!~cHËãK~??} Mr. Lonely don't be ridiculous says:
so bold in your imaginations and fantasies

what do you do when it all falls apart says:
lol

{!!~cHËãK~??} Mr. Lonely don't be ridiculous says:
*clapclap*

what do you do when it all falls apart says:
whatever my man..

what do you do when it all falls apart says:
u knw it bled ytd when i was playing

what do you do when it all falls apart says:
{!!~cHËãK~??} Mr. Lonely don't be ridiculous says:
bled?

{!!~cHËãK~??} Mr. Lonely don't be ridiculous says:
what bled?

what do you do when it all falls apart says:
my piercving la

{!!~cHËãK~??} Mr. Lonely don't be ridiculous says:
WHAT WERE YOU PLAYING WITH?

what do you do when it all falls apart says:
wah...

{!!~cHËãK~??} Mr. Lonely don't be ridiculous says:
OMG

{!!~cHËãK~??} Mr. Lonely don't be ridiculous says:
ey dawn

what do you do when it all falls apart says:
then my vagina arh?

{!!~cHËãK~??} Mr. Lonely don't be ridiculous says:
masturbate till bleed

what do you do when it all falls apart says:
PIERCING...

what do you do when it all falls apart says:
belly piercinhg!~~1

{!!~cHËãK~??} Mr. Lonely don't be ridiculous says:
YOU LOST YOUR VIRGINITY TO A DILDO!

{!!~cHËãK~??} Mr. Lonely don't be ridiculous says:
WAHAHAHAHAAA

what do you do when it all falls apart says:
...

what do you do when it all falls apart says:
-____-

what do you do when it all falls apart says:
u idiot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

{!!~cHËãK~??} Mr. Lonely don't be ridiculous says:
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

{!!~cHËãK~??} Mr. Lonely don't be ridiculous says:
thats like so loser

what do you do when it all falls apart says
....

puahahaha....gonna meet nette later....watch ice age2...finally the little girl is gonna get what she wants...

2006-04-13T18:18:00.000+08:00

FOC camp wasnt that fun....didnt really like the people there....but i do like my GLs...they are damn funny, crazy and nice...appreciate all their effort put in....was tiring...last night i got drawn on when i was in a helpless position, and with toothpaste while i was sleeping...sian...others were worse off lah...till now i still cant rub away the maker rings around my tits and the crosses on my tits.....arrrghh...

shagged...bored....cant wait to start school...hopefully my coursemates will be nicer and be on the same frequency...

2006-04-04T20:28:00.000+08:00

i need a new job! future-cousin-in-law (cousin's fiance valerie jiejie) has offered to find me a job as a handphone promoter....tml going for interview....hmmmmmm...

i am relieved...(nope i didnt just go pee) ...i finally settled the last stage of poly registration...now to wait till the school approves of it....

watched "v for vendetta" with nette yesterday....its good....nette was a sour grape...just cos we watched it instead of ice age 2, she was so critical about the movie....WHO IS THE CHILDISH ONE HEH? tsk....

saturday went to taka to meet xiaobai, alison and edwin for lunch....didnt say much...still damn disappointed...

tonight is the milan match...hope i dont fall asleep again...MILAN WILL PREVAIL! muahahahahaha....sorry...

Everybody knows that
I was such a fool
To ever let go of you,
but baby I was wrong

Yeah
I know I said we'd be better off alone
It was time that we moved on
I know
I broke your heart
I didn't mean to break your heart
But baby here I am

Chorus:Banging on your front door
My pride spilled on the floor
My hands and knees are bruised
And I'm crawling back to you
Begging for a second chance
Are you gonna let me in?
I was running from the truth
And now I'm crawling back to you
I know you're in there
And you can make me wait
But I'm not gonna wait
It's the least that I can do
Just to tell you face-to-face
I was lying to myself
Now I'm dying in this hell
Girl I know you're mad
I can't blame you for being mad
But baby here I am

If you can save these tears from crying
Touch these hands that can't stop shaking
Hear my heart that's barely beating
You will see a different man
But baby here I am

=/

2006-03-31T15:19:00.000+08:00

UNWELL Artist: Matchbox 20 Written By R. Thomas

ALL DAY
STARING AT THE CEILING
MAKING FRIENDS WITH SHADOWS ON MY WALL
ALL NIGHT
I'M HEARING VOICES TELLING ME
THAT I SHOULD GET SOME SLEEP
BECAUSE TOMORROW MIGHT BE GOOD
FOR SOMETHING

HOLD ON
I'M FEELING LIKE I'M HEADED FOR A BREAKDOWN
I DON'T KNOW WHY

I'M NOT CRAZY
I'M JUST A LITTLE UNWELL
I KNOW RIGHT NOW YOU CAN'T TELL
BUT STAY AWHILE AND MAYBE THEN YOU'LL SEE
A DIFFERENT SIDE OF ME
I'M NOT CRAZY
I'M JUST A LITTLE IMPAIRED
I KNOW RIGHT NOW YOU DON'T CARE
BUT SOON ENOUGH YOU'RE GONNA THINK OF ME
AND HOW I USED TO BE

SEE ME
TALKING TO MYSELF IN PUBLIC
AND DODGING GLANCES ON THE TRAIN
I KNOW
I KNOW THEY'VE ALL BEEN TALKING 'BOUT ME
I CAN HEAR THEM WHISPER
AND IT MAKES ME THINK THERE MUST BE SOMETHING WRONG
WITH ME

OUT OF ALL THE HOURS THINKING
SOMEHOW
I'VE LOST MY MIND

(CHORUS)

TALKING IN MY SLEEP
PRETTY SOON THEY'LL COME TO GET ME
THEY'LL BE TAKING ME AWAY

got a sling bag finally from stadium..le coq again...and a paul frank tee....somethings still missing....feeling like a jerk....

2006-03-26T16:17:00.000+08:00

friday went to sentosa with s75... there was no fricking sun when i got there, i didnt get any darker...im so disappointed can....plenty of new romances in the class...haha...rather happening for a class with only 8 girls....went drinking with them after dinner....was pouring the frozen lime margherita out of the jug when a whole clump came out...damn fuck...all over the table...after that went drinking with nette and roy at wala...actually only nette and i drank at wala cos roy looked too young...damn sad...he was fricking pissed....heh i broke a glass...feel so bad..after that brought some drinks to the housing estate to continue....roy was still feeling rather cranky...hmmm....

yesterday woke up to the realisation that i hadnt paid my school fees, or enrolled, or even bought my laptop....put wentong's airplane (we were supposed to go check out the laptops) to go pay my school fees at the bank...was closed when i reached...and it was the last day...came back and tried to pay with my debit...realised had to run to the atm to get my password...thank God third aunt had internet banking and her PIN on hand...then enrolled as well...then went down to school to get the laptop....only had to pay 50 bucks deposit first....didnt even bother to look much at it...was mandatory to get one anyway and since i had heard that a laptop wasnt of much use since the school had all the facilities required....hmm.....got the lightest one...incidentally the cheapest...heh...signed up for the freshmen camp...there was a hot chick at the signup table...she TALKED TO ME FIRST!! lol...(ok fine i know its part of her job to get ppl to sign up)...she knows glamis...haha...happy...i love hot chicks ;D on my way out of school recieved a phone call from the school...THEY HADNT RECIEVED MY ENROLLMENT APPLICATION! started to panic...but i told them i had just enrolled in the morning...so they said it could be because of that...phew....but im not taking any chances anymore...i was helped twice by God...he is bound to want to teach me a lesson about my procrastination soon....

was damn late for work cos the bus 75 went in circles....damn shit....signed off early cos nette wanted to chill...fricking bus uncle didnt come....we sat there waiting like a coupla fools....should have taken cab and forced the uncle to pay...in the end took the 01 30 transport and went straight home...

woke up to third aunt hollering at us to wake up followed by the aircon man coming into the room...dammit was too late to go for church...so didnt go...was too lazy to get out of the house so didnt visit ahma either....later dont know if im gonna keep my dinner date either...hmmm...lazy

2006-03-18T22:59:00.000+08:00

by thursday night i still didnt have my enrolment letter...was fucking worried...went for a drink with nette...everytime we drink, i get to know more worrying stuff ...this time it was worse cos it involved someone i know too...hmmm...laopeh msged...the fucking letter was sent there like a few days ago...damn fuck...i was working the next day so decided to go get it after work....

damn fuck...thursday started work at 7am...some seminar....wakao i tell you, mediaedge people are fricking weird...for starters, when they eat oreos, they only eat the cookies...guess what they do with the cream? they put it on the saucer and press the coffee cup down on it....and they fucking messed up the tables...post-its everywhere, scraps of food....scraps of paper, coffeecups, thick folders wide open...candy packs....AAAARGHH...and i fricking tidied up the whole place, came back 2 hrss later and it was in a worse state....and they came out for their coffee breaks bit by bit...so irritating can....and even after their dinner, when we had finished packing up for the day, they came back...AT 11Pm!!!! and told us to turn on the fricking air con...THEY WERE CONTINUING! what the fuck man....didnt care...went off...then fricking realised that i still had to take my letter.....called laopeh to tell him not to sleep so soon...he told me that laobu had taken it over to my house for me....the moment it hit me that my future was in my laobu's hands, i started worrying...she has no record of having any integrity or respect for others...she was so opposed to everything i did, she wouldnt even blink if she were to destroy my enrolment package just to spite me...on the way back met nette again for chocolate icecream...heh...my cough has now taken a turn for the worse....when i reached home at 1.30am, jeremy gave me a letter...from NANYANG, not ngee ann...was some useless shit...damn fuck...searched all over for any sign of the letter...none...when grandma woke up, she said she recieved nothing of that sort..when third aunt woke up, she said she saw nothing either....was fricking flustered by then..i thought my worst worries were confirmed....couldnt sleep till damn late...had to mail the reply that day....

grandma woke me up...told me that my sis had left the letter upstairs...damn heng...couldnt read much of it before i left for work....so decided to hand-deliver it today...went to istana...state dinner for the queen...scrubbed the ice boxes like fuck to remove all the grime....half the service staff were full-timers, big-shots from all over the hotel...wah....they wanted many good staff for the function, but wanted to cut costs, hence they forced so many full-timers to come back....shuko was the in-charge for the night...the manger of melt cafe served the queen...it was a one-to-four service: not one person serving four tables, one person serving 4 PERSONS...that was how VIP it was....shuko put me at the bar...he told jamal at the briefing that i was very capable...was fricking stunned...didnt know he had such a good impression of me...a rather wrong impression though...if May was there she would probably laugh her ass off...was damn free at istana...2 bars, 3 people handling it, 93 ppl eating....then recieved a series of msgs from lili and my sis telling me that ahma was in hospital....with some allergy problems...rather worried....thank God lili said it wasnt too serious....phew...still prayed for her anyway...was supposed to go see her this morning after delievering the letter....but woke up at 3pm cos the lack of sleep from the past few days had worn me out...so am going to deliever it on monday....dangerous procrastination...going to see ahma tml morning...

went to church just now... deb fung came to sing..no sermon...felt kinda wasted....but nvm....yup...3rd aunt is paying poly fees by cheque...cant use cpf...pray everything goes well....many prayers have been answered miraculously....i have someone great watching over me....i believe this prayer wont be any different...

2006-03-14T22:10:00.000+08:00

havent recieved any letter from ngee ann...getting fucking worried here

i am STILL sick

im so sick that i fell into one of jiawen's traps to make me do spastic things, just so there is someone else doing dumb things with her

but it was quite true...some dumb personality quiz...

its about drawing a pig, tells your personality from there

check out the pig i drew --> http://drawapig.desktopcreatures.com/gallery/large.asp?id=980437&p=0&hof=1&q=personality+test

these are my results:

Toward the top of the paper, you are positive and optimistic.
Toward the middle, you are a realist.
Toward the bottom, you are pessimistic, and have a tendency to behave negatively.

Facing left, you believe in tradition, are friendly, and remember dates (birthdays, etc.)
Facing right, you are innovative and active, but don't have a strong sense of family, nor do you remember dates
Facing front, you are direct, enjoy playing devil's advocate and neither fear nor avoid discussions.

With many details, you are analytical, cautious, and distrustful.
With few details, you are emotional and naive, they care little for details and are a risk-taker.

With less than 4 legs, they are insecure or are living through a period of major change.
With 4 legs showing, they are secure, stubborn, and stick to their ideals.

The size of the ears indicates how good a listener you are.
The bigger the better.
You drew medium sized ears, you are a good listener

here's the best part:

The length of the tail indicates the quality of your sex life.And again more is better! You drew large tail, WOW!

2006-03-13T15:06:00.000+08:00

WHAT HAPPENED TO MY WEEKEND??? argh....as usual spent it working of course....my life is so boring right now...fuck

lent my psp to benson on saturday night after work...he was exhilarated after scoring a goal in fifa...wtf...damn dumb....

yesterday went to church then went to visit ahma! damn fuck when i reached the doorstep, i heard the piano from outside...ahma couldnt possibly play the piano...so i called and my sister picked up...fucking shit my family had gone for the earlier service and came back early...meaning my parents were at home...sis opened the door...i refused to go in so i waited outside the door to speak to ahma...she had cooked curry...fuck my favorite! couldnt resist the curry but didnt want to see my parents...so in the end sat at the doorway eating my curry rice...fucking dumb..

then went to IT fair with nette and roy...paid for nette's ipod nano first....never seen nette so delighted before...haha...roy bought a harddisk....i bought memory stick...1 gig only $105! minus 5% and with a free memorystick reader! wahaha....damn worth it....im happy! but currently $538 poorer thanks to the nano as well...fuck

after that went for drinks at walawala with the 2 of them....happened to meet jeremy and daryl (or darren, not too sure) there...they were with this girl, dorcas i think...ya...cons and ching came later...first time i actually talked to ching despite working with her for over 2 months in oriental...we squabbled over the peanuts...both of us wanted the green peas...so dumb...everyone said i was drunk but i beg to differ...i do brainless stuff even though im 100% sober so you cant deduce that i am drunk just cos im doing stupid things....fuck...nette and roy went to chat and left me alone with them in the beginnning, before i had gotten warmed up with them...fucking bitches....so much for gratitude....

reached home at 1am...stoned till 3am....andy called...fucking asshole lost my psp cover...but he offered to pay for it, making him less of an asshole...haha...knocked out after 4am...

hope my darling psp doesnt get scratched even more... =/

2006-03-09T20:28:00.000+08:00

yesterday bought adidas sweater after work...third aunt is pissed...she thinks i splurged...fuckit....today went to collect the phone....thank God its fricking working again....they didnt extend my warranty...dammit

living is one hell of a chore, its also a hell of a bore

let me summarise my life,
wake up >eat >shit >go to work >think about her >sleep >repeat

life is in monotone, vision is in monochrome

somebody help me SNAP OUT OF IT!

fuck it...useless

2006-03-06T21:43:00.000+08:00

im still sick...dammit....

did i mention that i have no bookings for this week? im jobless...someone put me on dole please

went to repair ubai's phone today....went to the sony ericsson service centre at toh guan...when i reached there stood at the door pressing the queue number machine for 5 mins.....it was jammed...walao even the queue number printer at the sony ericsson service centre is spoilt.....what can you expect from their phones?? -.-

then rushed to go get pay

then came back...so no life

im working tml...pris suddenly called me to tell me to work...marvellous...

feeling real lonely now... =/
need to meet someone soon...

2006-03-05T22:53:00.000+08:00

1st time on a cruise.....i have never gorged myself so much before i tell you

nothing much to do on board...so just eat lor....

my family are real hardcore gamblers...esp uncle (2nd aunt's hubby)...HARDCORE....walao...they won alot...even my cousin....uncle at his peak had more than 10K under his belt....cousin won about 2k...even jeremy won...i was the biggest loser...lol...lost 50 bucks playing dice....funny...all because i went against my 6th sense....dammit...

got no bookings for work next week...damn fuck...im jobless

and im still bloody coughing

fuck

2006-03-03T13:37:00.000+08:00

I GOT INTO NP MASS COMM THROUGH JAE!!!! WHOOOPEEEEDOOOO!

2006-03-02T22:44:00.000+08:00

shite...didnt know people actually read my blog...sorry what i blogged was in a super shagged state of mind...wasnt thinking straight..have already deleted the offending bits so yup...my blog is clean again... lazy to add in another chunk so just leave it hanging....haha

super shagged today...came home at 1.30 this morning, slept at about 3am cos daph was moody.... and left the house at 5.45am... =/

forgot my hp....and didnt memorise my new house number...so i didnt contact grandma at all today....they say she was so worried...awww im so sorry grandma!

worked like fuck....then continued to help krishnan with the bar cos alot of stock suddenly came in....walao i tell you, the mini bottles of martell and chivas are FRICKING CUTE!! haha....

my cough still aint better...need to go sleep before cruise tml...yup...

2006-02-28T14:33:00.000+08:00

aerospace was bloody tiring...started on tuesday...by thursday night i was already sick....still am right now...got a fricking cough that just wont go away despite all of the household remedies prescribed by my grandma (have you ever heard of coke with salt to cure cough?) weird huh??

did i mention that i worked at the Goodrich stand's bar? yup...i tell you, the Goodrich angmoh staff are probably the NICEST people in the world! i mean it! they are damn nice, damn warm and fricking cute! haha....i love them...the chinese staff, whether local or foreign, are asses though...chinese are rude...kinda weird huh cos im chinese too...oh well... *shrugs*

first time i saw my managers acting like total kids...May especially...she was practically squabbling with Jack over these souvineur collar pins that they were giving out....damn funny...the childish pouts on their faces when the other party refused to trade, the childish threats of not helping the other collect collar pins the next time round...fricking funny...was kinda upset that i didnt get to go round collecting souvineurs though...was stuck at the stand the whole time...fucking unfair...and no one wanted to give me anything...fucking selfish asses...humph...oh well...at least i won 39 bucks...SO THERE!

friday i took the day off cos i had the interview for mass comm at NP....fucked it up as usual...not the interview actually, the interview was fine....but we had to like group up in groups of 3 interviewees to do a presentation...and from the looks of our validators, they werent too impressed... =/ met johanna for awhile after that...yup...and said hi to her friend, who was my classmate in primary 1 and 2...as usual, she didnt recognise me, but recognised my ezlink photo instead...haha...after that went to collect pay...faith refused to let me do bookings for the next week cos i couldnt help her fill in a slot for the next day....so petty...humph...then went to meet nehneh in town help her choose her birhtday present...as usual we spent the whole time dissing each other's choices...haha...i saw this le coq sportif bag! i was in love with the original version...its like this glossy sling bag, the original version was totally black with white design and white borders...this new one was the same except for a yukky grey panel by the side of the bag...was damn tempted to get it just cos it was the closest thing to the original one...even put it on reserve....

saturday was nehneh's birthday! the bitch is finally eighteen...she wont get bounced by xialan bouncers at cocolatte anymore..haha...yup...met her at cine..she was with a friend, nick...he told me more about life in NP...yup...sounds fun...then roy came along and we went for dinner with charlotte at fish and co....then roy went off and we went to meet jh and rod at paragon...first time meeting nette's guy...haha...he is like totally my kind of guy...he is an asshole like me...wahaha..rod asked me wot my name was when nette went to take a shit with charlotte...i told him...and he went "HAO LIAN???" with that incredulous look on his face...i just told him to forget it...dammit my parents seriously leave their mark on me despite chasing me out...they left me with a dumb name...

after that got to talk with jh a lil when rod went off to meet sally for awhile...yup...he is just slightly different from ian lah...unique.. =/ saw chong too...he was also there to wish nette a happy birthday...felt quite 'zhibei'...somehow im always in the midst of beautiful people...feel like a priviledged ugly duckling...yup

sat at coffee bean waiting for them to finish smoking before going to walawala at holland V....the rest of the PJ ruggers were there...they seemed like a damn happy lot of people...nette told me that they were just drunk...haha..funny lot..they then asked 2 of their PJ seniors over to sit with us...this rather hot looking girl and her sweet-looking friend...ida came too...nette drank damn alot..she had like an irish coffee...lime margherita..brandy..6 tequila shots and a heineken...not including the sips here and there.....had to help her to the toilet...she was fricking high...after a few drinks i was quite happy too...then came the heineken...and i got seriously stoned...had had a tiring week, and the heinieken just made me sleep....most of them left while i was asleep..even the hot girl...damn...haha...

soon i was woken up and found that the remnants of the group were charlotte, me, nette, jh, cons, and sweet-girl... we headed off to crystal jade cos the guys were hungry...then nette had to puke...charlotte accompanied her upstairs...nette never made it up the stairs in time...she puked on the stairway...she then went into the storeroom where she puked somemore...and all over the floor...when i went up to take a look she was in bad shape...seriously wasted...tsktsk...act hero drink so much...orbeequek...she stepped in her own puke to get to the loo...walao...at first wanted to carry her down with jh, i had volunteered to take the legs while he took the head....after she stepped in puke, i withdrew my offer

jh and i went down first....she came down to the dining area...cons left...nette started puking again...jh and i were like making snide remarks...haha...charlotte and sweet-girl kept telling us to shut up...haha...i pity the diners...jh said we were so gonna get blacklisted =/

when we finally left, we let jh carry her down the stairs alone..jh and nette had a cab...charlotte, sweet-girl and me got another...found out sweet-girl's name on the cab...daphne... (n_n) went to charlotte's place to bunk...her parents were overseas...after getting off the cab, daphne started displaying symptoms of wastedness...had to help her up the stairs to the lift too...met a very-tired jh and a very-wasted nette and the lift lobby...carried nette up to charlotte's place...her sisters' friends were there too...charlotte slept in her parents' room and we slept in her sister's room....her sister's friends slept in the living room...felt kinda bad...haha...jh and i were so glad we could finally roam free in our boxers..haha...felt liberated...daphne had to pee so i went with her...she was seriously wasted...couldnt walk straight..had to support her...she fumbled for the switch and started turning on and off the powerpoint next to the toilet door, going, "why isnt the light coming on?" ...i told her to get in and turned on the light for her...haha..silly girl

yesterday went to work...after work went drinking with nette...that kaypoh wants to know everything...haha..yup....im finding it hard to play the counsellor nowadays.... =/ losing my mojo....

oh well...oh btw im holding ubai's hp now...might just buy it after sending it for repairs....hmmm...

2006-02-19T13:59:00.000+08:00

aerospace is quite fun...gamble on the way there...after loading all the shit onto the 3 lorries, had only like....38 chairs, one oblong table,several cartons of mineral water and 8 staff...so we borrowed cards from the driver, opened the oblong and played banluck...benson told me that this was the standard procedure during aerospace on the journeys...

May was the banker...never seen her smile and laugh so much in my entire life...she won quite alot...poor benson damn suay..he sit beside me..he claimed that i took all his cards...walao not my fault lah...i sat near to the end of the lorry...damn windy....then i was sitting on the cartons of water.....there was water...so you can say my fengshui was very good...haha...won 35 bucks...still on credit...apparently every day there will be banluck sessions...hopefully can win more...will bring more cartons of water to sit on.....

was sent back to hotel to help out at esplanade....damn damn sian lah....was bloody tired by then so couldnt really concentrate...there was some champange popping toast...had to bring 2 bottles to the stage...unscrewed the metal thingy on one then the cork popped right off inmmeadiately....nabei...got fucked upsidedown by hussein...didnt bother to explain to him lah...so just gave the unopened one to the bigshots on stage...popped it...the organiser also damn cock lah...donno what she doing...the bigshots havent even gotten their champange flutes yet then yamseng already....so dumb...

the day before was damn siong lah...me and adrian loo...do atrium seminars...wasnt so bad at first...i realised something...citibank people are damn 'pushy' : the atrium suite doors are supposed to be pulled to open...for more than 18 times, when my back was turned, the citibank people would tap me on the shoulder and complain that the doors were damn difficult to open and to demonstrate, they would shove the doors with all their might....i would just smile and give the doors a gentle tug....then they would enter sheepishly...so dumb...and some of them actually repeatedly had trouble with the door...lol...perhaps they are too used to the automatic sliding doors....is modern technology actually helping us or impairing us?

after that turnover damn siong...two of us had to turn 3 atrium suites, atrium foyers, one ballroom, and one pre-function room.....and on growling tummies...argh

newspaper reports that our dear boys in blue have decided to disallow people under the age of 17 from being on the streets after 11pm....thats like so dumb lah...its like a curfew even though there is no unrest...their excuse is that youth crime is rising...especially with youths as victims...so dumb...what i gather from crime watch is that youth crimes are usually carried out in broad daylight....and furthermore, its not only youth crime that is rising...so many murders involving adults happen at night...why not ban adults from going out late too? since you intend to PROTECT the citizens....and since youth crimes happen during the day too, why not attach a nanny police officer to every youth to keep them out of trouble? the curfew is just so dumb lah...now parents will have to be jolted from their sleep with late night calls from the police to inform them that their children have been caught outside hanging out....singapore is far from being a democratic country...so what if there are casinos? taking such small steps to liberalism but imposing military law at the same time...just what the fuck is the government trying to do? whats with the mixed signals to the rest of the world? used to think that singapore was a great place to live in...but its getting more and more fucked up...

oh well... =/

2006-02-14T13:24:00.000+08:00

its valentines day

bah humbug.....

She told me last night that she was starting afresh with that sonofadick....i had no reaction...but you know, sometimes dreams have the weirdest ways of exposing your true feelings...had a really weird dream last night...remember the time i went out with her and she told me she was going to aljunied area to go to a friend's friend's house? i was damn worried right?

yup...last night i dreamt i was walking around aljunied area...every corner that i turned, i would see Her and that S.O.D. together, each holding the other's both hands...She would be looking at me, and he would be gazing at Her....She was in css uniform and he was in this gray tee and cargoes... =/ weird huh?

can it really be that bad?

cos i dont feel anything no more...

but what is the significance of this dream?

is it a revealing of my innermost feelings?

or just a product of a restless mind during sleep?

im too lazy to get out of the house....dont think i will go play snooker after all...maybe at night though....its a good day to be depressed... o.o

"I Still..." Backstreet Boys

Who are you now?
Are you still the same
Or did you change somehow?
What do you do
At this very moment
when I think of you?
And when I'm looking back
How we were young and stupid
Do you remember that?
Baby

No matter how I fight it
Can't deny it
Just can't let you go

I still need you
I still care about you
Though everything's been said and done
I still feel you
Like I'm right beside you
But still no word from you

Now look at me
Instead of moving on,
I refuse to see
That I keep coming back
And I'm stuck in a moment
That wasn't meant to last (to last)

I've tried to fight it
Can't deny it
You don't even know

That I still need you
I still care about you
Though everything's been said and done
I still feel you
Like I'm right beside you
But still no word from you

Ohhhh
Wish I could find you
Just like you found me
Then I would never let you go (without you)
Though everything's been said and done (yeah)
I still feel you (I still feel you)
Like I'm right beside you (like I'm right beside you)
But still no (still no word) word from you

2006-02-13T23:31:00.000+08:00

this morning woke late....to be exact, it wasnt morning anymore when i got off the sofa...

stoned around for damn long before deciding to go ngee ann to hand in my application form...when i was all dressed up, i realised that i hadnt even printed out the form, let alone filled it up...fricking screwed...dug around for paper...printed it out on 2 pieces of crinkled A4....took mighty long to fill it in...

only after i left ngee ann then jo called me...she wanted to meet me again...we always miss each other by like 15 mins...damn sad...was rushing to go meet elizabeth so didnt keblakanbuseng....yup...went to collect pay with her..waited fricking long for our brodder at city hall but she called to say she was still at bedok...nette called me to ask me to go town shopping for junhan's present...so i went with elizabeth first... then rushed off when munirah finally came...

met nette at pac plaza...her agenda was:t-shirts...the typical v.dae presie from nette to her guy...spent the whole time recommending the dumbest looking shirts to her....and she spent her time criticising my choices (the 'psychotic puppy' tee was CUTE ok??!!)...bickered with her like the good ol days...haha..she made me buy an extra yam pie when she suddenly changed her mind to buying curry puff...dont like her...i ate 2 yam pies...all the drinking sessions, this extra yam pie...SHE'S PLOTTING TO GET ME FAT JUST COS ROY SAID SHE IS GETTING FATTER TOO!!! nette is a cunning bitch...humph...miss the days in sec 4 going out with her everyday... =/ the dumb girl actually called jh to ask him about his opinion on a tee she was choosing...stoopid i tell you...that nincompoop knows nothing about this wonderful things called SURPRISES... *rolls eyes* it boiled down to 2 shirts..i suggested we consult the oracle of the coin toss..she agreed ...then she even tried to rebel against the mandate of the coin toss....orbeequek the shirt had no size anyway..lol...so she was forced to obey the coin..muahaha...and i am fucking hurt...the bitch is getting roses for lots of people...but IM NOT INCLUDED! im so fucking hurt...even dawn is getting one! nette claims im left out cos i am not in her school...fuckew nette! excuses...

after that met kong at bugis for dinner..got updated with the latest jsm gossip...cindy wrecked his dad's car...lol...damn funny...yup...chatted a lil...the joker got a new hp...na bei...im stuck with this ol piece of shit....

went back...i have no date for tml..not that i bothered to ask around anyway...lol...sad...its gonna be a cold, lonely valentines day for cheak... TT.TT

cheak is unwanted
cheak is broke
cheak is depressed
cheak is lonely
but

cheak has FREEDOM!

thats all that matters

(n_n)

2006-02-13T02:46:00.000+08:00

past few days has been work and moving shipments of my personal effects over to grandma's house...hmmm...not going to work next week cos theres simply NO FUNCTIONS! T.T cheak is evastated...not to mention frigging broke

o lvl results are released...i have already signed up for poly via JAE...1st choice ngee ann mass comm...2nd choice TP mass comm...lol...not gonna take my chances on this one...im gonna hand in my application form in person to ngee ann tomorrow

happy belated birthday xiuhui! haha

was late for church today after a drinking session with nette after work last night(the off-duty security guard is getting on my nerves, he tried to make advances towards nette and fricking peed in the bushes behind her..fucking perverted fag)...after church went over to visit ahma...had lunch with her....waited for my fuckin parents to come back so i could finally get back all my files in their friggin com....yup...I FINALLY HAVE GOTTEN MY PORTFOLIO BACK! dammit but i realised havent typed out certain portions of my latest script...AND I HAVE LOST MY MANUSCRIPT!! fucking shit was pretty proud of it too...guess i just have to start all over again... TT.TT

after that went over to deposit stuff at grandma house...dawn called me...she stays at the same block as grandma...her grandma knows my grandma...lol...kampong spirit...

anyways met dawnie at the lift landing for a chat...was late in meeting her cos i had to take a shit...thank God i intercepted her before she gave up and went home... =/ heard some really sobering news from her...dammit why are things turning out this way? the irresponsibilty of some of my close friends are really causing hurt to the people who genuinely love them...i dont know how to deal with it...cant do much anyway now that i dont really see them....please dont make it worse!!

after she went home, i went home...doh...on the way back saw a really strange thing...the traffic police highway patrol had stopped a car on the road behind jurong interchange....the police were writing on some paper they put on the boot....about 15m behind the car...a plumb man had just jaywalked across the road, climbed over the barrier on the central divider and was hiding behind the supporting column of the overhead bridge, waiting for an opportune moment to dash to safety without getting caught....20m in front of the car, another 2 men were doing the same, except they had no pillar for cover...so ironic...the blatant stupidity of singaporeans

just watched the man city vs charlton match...im fricking impressed...man city arent just a soccer club, they are a TEAM...one word to descibe the play: spectacular

2006-02-10T00:46:00.000+08:00

im getting really fat around the midriff...screwed...

went to deposit some clothes at grandma hse today

tml toto ten million hongbao draw

bought some

hope can win

lol

tml is the day i can start applying for poly! whoopeedoo! good luck to all o lvl students out there...dont end up like me..

finally got my psp back from kaixin...ITS SCRATCHED! im so gonna kill her

2006-02-08T18:59:00.000+08:00

went to withdraw today...so irritating...the withdrawal form required so many signatures from the various heads of departments...had to run around the whole day looking for them...made me think twice about withdrawing after all... =/

05S75 has changed...last year when you stepped into class, even on days with tests, the class would be buzzing with activity and conversation...now everyone is so stoned or mugging away...its kinda scary...and during chem when i sat in and looked around, it looked like there were fewer people as ber and junjie werent around any more... =/ quite sad

2006-02-08T01:17:00.000+08:00

i love to break things...just broke 3 saucers at work today...it wasnt really an accident...i knew they were gonna drop...but i just let them...its a form of self-expression

ok im bull-shitting....

oh ya! lyndon called me on monday to tell me that he finally persuaded laopeh and laobu to sign the withdrawal letter! aiseh...his powers of persuasion not bad leh! if only he puts those powers to good use, like persuading his students to study properly and inspiring them to better results...lol..wow i take my hat off to him....my laobu is more stubborn than a mule...when she's bent on destroying my life, few can alter her course....lyndon is a miracle-worker!

actually come to think of it, laobu can be simile-d to a mule...she has damn thick skin, is stubborn, and is marvelous at bull-shitting...

ok whatever...im going to school tommorow to officially withdraw....wow at long long long last....yup...

2006-02-07T00:08:00.000+08:00

went to hand in my form for NYP today...met up with mel for a while...after that went to l'oreal for job interview...waited for an hour for the interviewer only to be turned away...waited for another half an hour and got interviewed....was kinda shagged cos didnt have my morning coffee so i guess the interviewer thought i wasnt chatty enough to do sales...dammit...oh well =/

after that went to meet kong....went shopping for underwear...i bought 2 pairs of boxers from B.U.M....i love them! and got this box of red briefs with golden chinese characters printed over the crotch as birthday presents....heh heh....

working tml...at orsin... =/ hope it will be good...

dammit im hungry again

2006-02-06T03:09:00.000+08:00

on friday night went to ahma house to spend the night so it would be more convinient to send dawn off...msged nette and nette told me dawn was only flying off on the 13th...felt cheated..but stayed the night anyway

next day was supposed to go visit grandma's sister-in-law....but woke up a lil too late and didnt bring proper clothes...so went home to change then went over to laopeh's eldest sister's place at pasir ris....yup...laopeh's youngest sister was there and so was laopeh's eldest brother's daughter....yup...so i told them the whole story of how i got chased out and we had this major bitching session about laobu...lol...i know plenty of them dont like laobu...told them they are not alone and that even some of the people from her own church cant stand her.... =/ feel so bad that i caused my guuguu 2 sleepless nights worrying about me when she heard that i had been chased out....felt even worse that ahma had nearly broken down in tears....im so so touched :')

after that went for dinner with them at tampines mall...ate xiaolongbao...my niece was like sticking to me the whole day...she is damn cute lah...just three years old....i love playing with my nephews and nieces...i get along damn well with kids...guuguu suggested that i become a childcare teacher...haha...

after that went drinking with nette and roy cos nette felt shitty....nette and roy were like dancing around...so dumb lah...never try to breakdance when you are drunk...i mean NEVER! after roy left she told me lots of stuff...stuff which no one would know about her unless...she is drunk... =/ yup....was kinda shocked...and i thought i was going through a lot...poor nette...she even managed to get me damn fucking worried for her and her safety...i donno...never seen her cry so much...ok to be frank she made me feel awful...and appreciative that God has given me more freedom and taken care of all my needs....all i can do is pray for her i guess...

BUT nette is also to blame for the steady formation of MY BEER BELLY! nabeh these weekly drinking sessions are burning a hole in my pocket and adding to my paunch...i really need to get back to my crunches routine! she went home wearing my chain...dammit....

had decided to go visit ahma to allay her fears before the family cameback from church...also realised that i had to submit my nyp application form by the 6th of feb...so had to go back to get my results slip anyway...mmmhmmm...but i woke up at like 1.15pm! my family usually comes back from church at 2...thought i pay a fast visit...heaved a sigh of relief when ahma told me that they would be back real late....im now kinda worried for ahma...shes complaining about frequent back pains and leg cramps...and now that im not around, she's often left alone in the house... =/

then went to work....kanasai damn suay tio the gay chris for serving partner....cant stand him...i really cant be bothered if he is reading this either...nabei he serve fucking slow....so i practically had to serve 2 tables on my own....so my guests had to wait quite long....felt so bad...never forgotten so many orders in my life...cant stand the way he fucking takes his time and when he does things, its done the 'broken wrist' way...like when we had to serve the dessert...the tray was fucking heavy...i carried while he served...normally people would quickly put 2 desserts on 2 plates and serve...he fucking did it one at the time and slowly too, not forgetting to smile sissy-ly at the guests....kanina....then later turnover he removed tables which we took out to set up and messed up the whole fucking table store....nabei really hope i can get the fragrance promoter job after the interview tml...then i can like never see that gay fucktard again...

had to cab home with him cos missed the transport...nabei the couple cabbing with us refused to claim the cab fare and insisted on alighting first,...nabei in the end guess who had to pay first? yours truly....doh....nabei...fricking 27 bucks! doubt i can claim....nabeh fucking suay

still havent filled up my application form..im fucking screwed....