Monday, May 29, 2006

i hate it when people say i resemble my father.


i dont even have an inkling to why they do. whenever i have the chance to look in the mirror, the closest ressemblance i see between the both of us is the horrible skin. just in case any of you out there think my acne is cos im too blardy lazy to take care of my skin, you are mistaken. its fricking heriditary. sad huh? not only did he leave emotional scars, he left physical ones too..all over my blardy face...


i was sitting down watching tv when aunt obeserved aloud that i look more like him now cos im fatter. at first i was too lazy to train, now im determined to work off as much 'resemblence' as possible. running and swimming is on the cards: ehh i know i said that a long time ago, but now its different. the cards are now on the table. haha


aunt also says that i look like laopeh when i smile. from now on i shall limit my smiles. think long faces, frowns or stony expressions!



its not that he did anything to me directly to make me hate him. i dont hate him. im just fricking disappointed in him. he claims to be a christian. but he obeys his wife. im not too sure, but my version of the bible tells WIVES to SUBMIT to their HUSBANDS. hmmm, maybe mine is a satanic bible. im sorry i brought it up. i forgot for a moment that im supposed to be EVIL, the NEMESIS of all GODLY people. sorry


i dont want to have anything to link with him. sure, i used to respect him for taking care of my grandparents. but now he's neglecting my grandmother for his GODLY activities. im sure he is right. everytime i see her lose her balance for a moment before steadying herself, my heart skips a beat. i worry


i worry so fricking much about ahma. i worry bout what will happen to her when my sisters are in sch, when laobu is on one of her MANY trips in a single day down to the market to buy leftover,cheaper stocks of the grocers. i wonder when ahma might finally lose her balance and not be able to steady herself in time. ahma laments to me whenever i go to visit. she laments about being left alone at home. she wonders what will happen if she dies at home and no one is there to be by her side. she laments my absence, how i used to stay home to look after her. she knows how fucking selfish my parents are. how they pretend to care about her when they fucking dont. how my fucking laobu instigates laopeh to leave his aged mother alone at home. just found out from grandma that laobu started leaving the house early and coming home late after she joined her church. hmmmm...thats strange..laobu used to rant at me for going out early and coming home late. i didnt know i was actually using her own method to avoid her! wow...do unto others what you want others to do to you eh? laopeh's a horrible son. aint that strange? im a horrible son too? hmmm



all i can do is pray for ahma.


Lord FAther, i pray now that you will keep ahma safe. please give her strength in her legs. please give her good health. please Lord Father. i cant be there everyday for her. i cant be there 24/7 Lord. but you can. you are omnipotent, omnipresent. you are everywhere and can do anything Lord Father. so i entrust ahma to you in faith. an easy task for a magnificent God. i pray before everyone in faith that you will answer my prayer to keep my ahma safe. and most of all Lord Father, keep her close to you. accompany her when im not there for her. you know how lonely she is after grandpa died. comfort her Lord God. i place her in your hands. please Lord. Amen

leaving skool cheakie at 11:19 PM [comment]

***

Saturday, May 27, 2006

omg the bitching is getting heavy !


IT FEELS LIKE 3/4 all over again! I LOVE IT

leaving skool cheakie at 10:23 PM [comment]

***

Friday, May 26, 2006

some people ae just too nice for their own good
some people are just too callous

some people are just try to do their part
some people are just plain stubborn

some people just dont give a fuck
some people make it their life's mission to fuck you upside down

some people cant help being bitchy
some people must learn how to bitch properly


dont trust anyone, not even the ones closest to you.i have been sold out by the people i trusted on. the supports i heavily leaned on removed themselves from under me...i landed hard, but you can fall any further when you are already on Ground Zero.



for a moment i thought something was seriously wrong with me. i have all along been brutally honest, sometimes more brutal than honest. i thought i had turned into a bigger asshole. you nearly had me there. now im certain. IM RIGHT AND YOU ARE WRONG. i havent changed all that much. its YOU. people can still stand the fucktard in me. you cant even stand the counsellor in me.



im not gonna depend on anyone anymore
ima stand on my own two hairy legs
screw expecations
screw pride
screw overconfidence



screw you. fuck off and go die

leaving skool cheakie at 9:32 PM [comment]

***

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

i got two words for you: MARKETING QUIZ


i got some figures for you: 10%


finally i got an 'F' word for ya: FLUNK


hehe...this is what you get for helping out at work...should have 'no show'....only reached home at fricking three am...could not get to study...absolutely nothing went in.....


im so relieved that some people share my views...i thought i was becoming a petty bastard



dammit...office life is so gonna be summarised in the next sentence "cold,stale coffee, warm, fresh photocopies"

leaving skool cheakie at 2:58 PM [comment]

***

Friday, May 19, 2006

it used to be
i would never be alone
you sat on the bus next to me
as i sent you home

you would link your arm with mine
rest your head upon my chest
you would pass the time
listening to my heart beating in my breast

i wake up
its all a dream
i lift my head up
from the bus's sidescreen

i look beside me
the seat is empty
i soujourn alone
brush my hand across the seat
its warm
just vacated
henceforth
i journey alone

no one sits beside me on the bus
no one dares to
menacing glares at tired commuters
fending them off
from the seat reserved for you
squirming in my place
weariness etched on my face

you will come back
i know you will
be with me
on this journey
the seat is cold now
the bus is empty


its dark outside
thunder rumbles
its cold inside
huddled in a corner
needing a cuddle

splashing
on the empty seat
they roll down my face
misery

i weep now
i hope
i pray

i long
im resigned

please come back someday....








dammit i missed the barca match this morning...fricking hell...they didnt disappoint me anyway...hmmm i'd thought no one would ever visit my blog... was kinda curious as to the amount of traffic i get so put up a counter 2 days ago...seems like i average about 40 views a day...not all that bad for a crappy blog eh? or maybe people just like controversy...


got so much projects,assignments and deadlines! i have no fricking idea where to start! arghhh.....ima work harder...neeed that frickin diploma with merit!!!!

leaving skool cheakie at 12:49 AM [comment]

***

Monday, May 15, 2006

my deardear anonymous...i wonder how you could tag without getting your facts straight...tsktsktsk...


first of all, i DO know exactly why some people in my class have a problem with me...cos they are stubborn (like me), and proud (like me), and are sometimes willing to make random arguements no matter how useless they are just to save their face (like YOU)....and some of them, did not have a problem with me to begin with, but have to stick with the closer party, so arent really on my side either...i dont blame them...i would have done the same...


basically, they have the same problem with me as you have with me...they dont like what i say, cos whatever i say is usually rash and scalding....but you cant blame them, they arent used to my style of talking, its natural that whatever i say might just offend them...they havent had the chance to experience the less-asshole side of me....


YOU are different, YOU endured the worst of me before, YOU had a few tiffs with me before, but after that, YOU still saw something in me which made you come back


YOU have no excuse this time round to turn on me like that, but of course i cant blame you much either, cause you have changed plenty...imagine someone who values loyalty to cheat on her then-bf with a relative...someone who seemed to value friendships suddenly turned against a clique member(who was a friend since primary school) and finally turning against her close friend who followed her up to JC....



i knew my turn would come soon...i mentioned it to YOU, YOU just laughed it off...now its come true...i told you before, im seldom wrong....im not the one in the wrong here, its obviously YOU who has changed..i would love to see your next move




take this as a gentle reminder to all...DO NOT ATTACK ME ON MY BLOG TAG BOARD...unless you are prepared for a major dissing..



and dear ANONYMOUS...i would suggest YOU shut up real soon, cos i know plenty bout YOU that could seriously damage your reputation...i suggest you do not test my limits...im not that benevolent when people turn their backs on me...i make sure a blade is firmly embedded in those same backs

leaving skool cheakie at 10:12 PM [comment]

***

my FRIENDS know me as a brutally honest guy, one who is never afraid to give his pure opinion on things. one who is never afraid to hurt anyone's feelings if it concerns enlightening them upon the cold hard truth. im a frank sonofabitch


i know it hurts to be put down. but i dont care. i make it a point to make sure that i constantly put down those whom i treat as FRIENDS. why? cos i know firsthand the deadly chain reactions caused by conceit and self-satisfaction. so i rather i make my friends feel less high and mighty (more down-to-earth) than be just a yes-man and let them feel like the rulers of the world. if you dont understand that then you are better-off without this asshole as a friend


so, my dear FRIEND. if you want an apology for what i said, here it is:

im so SORRY that i was honest
im SORRY that the truth hurt
im SORRY that i had to tug at the painful root of the problem
im SORRY that i had to tug your head down from amongst the clouds
im SORRY that i do not dilute the truth
im SORRY that i do not sweet talk
im SORRY that i lent you cash in times of need
im SORRY that i was there when you needed me
im SORRY that i put you before me
im SORRY that i ever tried to help you

IF i get a CHANCE to ATONE for my TRANSGRESSIONS, i promise i will,

never be totally honest with you again
tell you what you WANT to hear (ie you are the most beautiful woman in the world)
dilute the truth so that it doesnt hurt so bad and so you can ignore the roots of problems easily
make it seem like the whole world revolves around you
allow you to live in your world where everyone loves you for who you are
abandon you in times of need
and
dump you like all my fellow JERKS when i have had my fun and GOTTEN you




have fun miss, hope some cute guy gets into your pants real soon and make you feel like you are in heaven and thanks for jerking me back to the reality that i dont have that many true friends after all :)

leaving skool cheakie at 1:16 AM [comment]

***

Sunday, May 14, 2006

mothers' day. after church ran around the bukit batok market in search of flowers and potted plants....got 2 potted plants for both grandmas, a bouquet for third aunt, a single flower for yanti..ah ma was so happy...haha...shes so damn cute...got her a slice of cake and sang her a birthday song...ah ma was adopted so she didnt know her real birthday...so we celebrate her birthday every mothers' day...



today was also the first time laobu said something to me in so long...as i was leaving and walking down the stairs, i met them coming back from lunch....i said bye to my lil sis...then laobu glared at me like a daughter of a murder victim would glare at the convicted murderer..and she said something to the tune of "dont lead my mother to hell"


oh hoho! so now im the bad testimony in her family eh?
of course, she does have a point there...definitely, giving my grandma flowers for mothers day would make her less want to put her faith in Jesue...oh damn, i ruined the perfect shining testimony laobu gave which climaxed in her chasing out of the demonized, evil, god-forsaken son of hers....im so sorry laobu..im sure your way of condemning people in their face without respecting their beliefs was THE way to go... *rolls eyes*


oh well, i just laughed that bitch off and went on my way...


hid the flowers upstairs and went down like i had just come back..


dinner was a sumptous affair..lots of cousins and uncles and aunts and nephews and nieces came over...yeah...SHARKSFIN....and muchmuch more...im a happily heavy man now


they started taking photos...so i brought down the flowers....wow i didnt know grandma loves purple...i had gotten her purple flowers...yeah


shite i just realised i forgot to pass enhui's presents to all the mothers amongst my relatives...dammit...they have all gone home


scoo tml...

leaving skool cheakie at 9:53 PM [comment]

***

Friday, May 12, 2006

today was a shit day...woke up early, thought i was on time..stoned in the toilet while shitting...rushed outta the house, wearing the track pants which closely ressemble pyajamas..just missed the 99...waited for the next one to come...took bloody long to come...waited for about 20 minutes before it appeared...a few stops down it passed the bus which i had missed...the missed bus had broken down at a traffic junction...thought it wasnt such a bad day after all....


then came the sms from reina: class was cancelled today and school only started at three...dammmit...rushed outta the house in pyajamas for nothing...got off the bus, crossed over and went back home



14 10 hrs...left the house early wearing slightly more decent clothes...thought i would definitely not miss the bus this time round...in fact, i was so early, i just missed the earlier one....sat back and waited...and waited..for twenty fucking minutes...bus finally came....thought i could make it to class on the dot in that case...but the bus took fricking long to reach the bus stop wher e i normally change buses...saw the asses of 52 and 154 in the distance when the bus was stuck at the fricking traffic light...watched in frustratation was they disappeared into the fucking cloud of exhaust in the distance...bitch



after i alighted and sat at the bus stop, a familiar number appeared within a minute...it was ANOTHER 99...fucking driver had dilly-dallied so fucking much that his colleauge had caught up from behind...fuck it...waited another 22 minutes, and another two 99s, before the fucking 52 appeared with the 154 close on its hind wheeels...dont understand why bus companies dont space out their fricking buses evenly...fucking stupid


after i alighted i half-jogged in...im fricking unfit...was a minute after the 15 15 mark...dammit..


and when i came home, watched american idol...CHRIS WAS OUT! wtf....im so gonna boycott american idol from now on...



my life is so boring i can write 5 paragraphs about travelling to school...im such a loser



mother's day shopping is on the cards! for the past decade i havent had a REAL mother...this year, i have FOUR! wow...lol...its not as if they are god-mums or anything...they are 4 women who i love for caring for me so much...


1. MY AH MA! : my laopeh's mother...the closest remnant of my cheak grandpa's legacy...i love her to bits for her cute smiles and her playful admonishings and most of all for standing up for me...

2. MY GRANDMA! : my laobu's mother: cares for me now after the agony of having a crazy daughter(laobu)...love her for taking me in when my birth mother threw me out...i owe my increasing obesity to her!

3. MY THIRD AUNT: grandma gave birth to her just before she shitted laobu out....though sometimes somethings she does upset me, she still cares...she PAYS for my education, unlike some bitch who robs me of my education funds...she just wants me to be happy and lets me experience stuff for myself

4. YANTI! : haha..she is the indonesian maid staying with grandma...she makes it her life's mission to ensure that im always chewing on something...always frying eggs for me, warming up leftovers, cooking instant noodles etc...another one responsible for my increasing mass...while i was so skinny staying with my parents, i am now well-fed with real food, (not some leftover, unfresh stock which the grocer was trying to clear at a lower price)...pity yanti is going back to indo soon...like in august? dammit..i will be grateful



yeah...4 presents to get...ironically none of them include the woman who tried ever so hard to keep her iron-grip round bout her 'son's' neck, trying to keep him in the darkness of religious fanaticism...but failed....awww, what a horrible son i am...after all, mothers give birth to sons so they have creatures to do whatever they want them to right? to believe that they know best right? to, in other words, treat them as gods, right?

aww damn, i havent been a good son....tsktsktsk...i should just go to hell





oh btw happy birthday to ber in australia!

leaving skool cheakie at 12:01 AM [comment]

***

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

.i.L.u.


still do,


always will



stay strong


you dont have to be alone in all this shit...



but now im the lonely one

leaving skool cheakie at 12:20 AM [comment]

***

Monday, May 08, 2006

i have a feeling that someone is planting laxatives in my food...i keep shitting a few times a day...like 3-4 times a day...its not lao sai anymore...its just very soft shit...alright i know i should go easy on the details...arghhh...in fact i need a shit right now


i really do wish some people would just grow up...either i have become more offensive, or mebbe im being faced with childish , easily-offended fucktards like my mother....is one year really that much of i difference in maturity? fuck maturity shouldnt be gauged by years of existence...i said so myself


ok time to stop bull-shitting and go take a shit

leaving skool cheakie at 11:54 PM [comment]

***

Sunday, May 07, 2006

james's tag reminded me, i was too moody last night that i missed out on his birthday celebrations! we went to indochine for dinner...some peeps from sevenfive...yeahh...the food we ordered wasnt too good lahh...but james looked happy...its strange but nice to see the stony-faced guy smile so much...




went over to the club side of indochine to cut the cake....jiawen had asked his hwachong friends over...after he posed for photo lying across their laps, they didnt release him just yet...instead, as each of them restrained him with one arm, each used the other to calmly strip him....damn funny...i nearly got a stitch laughing....they only got as far as removing his shirt and belt (there were hostile-looking bouncers around)...highlight of the evening...he then had a flaming lambo (which refused to catch fire)...then before i could order any drinks, we went home...well done...


just had durians at home....im happy


happy birthday in advance james! happy birthday to my dear milk-daughter alison!


countless technical problems in the news telecast of the elections...mediacorp tv sure is cocked up.... =/

leaving skool cheakie at 12:10 AM [comment]

***

Friday, May 05, 2006

face it cheak: nobody likes you...oughta get new drinking kakis

leaving skool cheakie at 6:04 PM [comment]

***

maybe im a lil slow, but i just found the video of this children's show ms sab was talking about in GP...its fucking funny... check it out --> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBlnpXNluTA&search=banned

sorry bout the link though, doesnt work...so just copy and paste....

while you are at it, check out this nazi cartoon by disney too...fucking lame ---> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-jbA437FHFU&search=banned

leaving skool cheakie at 6:04 PM [comment]

***

Thursday, May 04, 2006

i think im screwed...just realised that my NS medical appointment is tml...morning at like eight am..i havent defered yet....if i git called up suddenly im so screwed lah...will be so so troublesome..wonder if i still have to turn up for the medical appointment tml...im not too sure if i can make it to school on time if i go...lessons begin at eleven

leaving skool cheakie at 8:56 PM [comment]

***

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

i dont need you

leaving skool cheakie at 8:52 PM [comment]

***

Monday, May 01, 2006

nehneh woke me up this morning to go swimming...kept rushing me to get out before it stopped being sunny...haha...im not her boyfriend, so i exercised my right to make her wait....bleaaahhh...we decided to gatecrash a condo cos she didnt wanna go to a public pool or the beach...didnt do anything in the end...was cloudy when we reached and soon it started pouring...


hung around queensway abit..nehneh was looking around for bags...we were in this sports shop..suddenly i saw this bag that looked rather out of place, partially hidden in a corner...it didnt look very sporty and was like golden with some sequins on it...so i picked it up...it felt rather full..then i heard a voice behind me

"thats mine, thank you"

i turned, this angmoh customer was staring at me with her boyfriend looking slightly amused...i had picked up her bag by accident! i quickly apologised and fled...wonder what she thought i was doing with her bag...no wonder it looked out of place...im turning dumb


was so fucking irritated today...somehow or rather, the people around me seemed to want to stand on the spot where i was standing on...like for example, when i was taking a look at a particular shoe, i would see this couple approaching in my peripheral vision...so i would stand closer to the display to allow them to pass: they wouldnt...they would fucking stop right behind me and the girl would point past me to the shoe above the one i was eyeing and tell her hubby that she wanted it, so i would have to move over to give the guy a better view...when i move to a new spot, the shopkeeper would shove me aside, put a ladder in my place and start looking for shoes...is everyone out to annoy me?!


was at mac when we saw this really cute jap lil girl...i didnt know they actually say 'itadakimase" before they it, (i thought they only do it in naruto)..then suddenly these 3 ah lians swaggered in, techno music blasting on their handphone speakers...they were dressed in very 'act jap' apparel, heads swaying to the music, and plonked their lian asses right next to us....they really thought they were damn cool lah! then suddenly a new techno tune came blasting on...one of their phones was ringing...the owner picked up the call...i so expected her to speak in either chinese or hokkien, but she went (in loud, husky broken english) "HELLO? ....I AT QUEENSWAY!"
apparently the joker on the other side was rather deaf (or mebbe he couldnt hear her over the techno blasting in the background) she kept repeating the same thing over and over again, with increasing volume (but unimproved grammar)..
they were so fucking cartoon, i looked at nette and she looked at me...we tried very hard to stop ourselves from doubling over in laughter....i was afraid i couldnt control myself, so we upped and went, burst out laughing at the entrance to mac...fucking cartoon



aint no fun to lao sai...fucking had tummyaches the whole of today whenever i was standing up..had to sit down every now and then...didnt help that there wasnt any toilet paper provided in queensway....fucked up

its back to school tml...havent really touched my assignments...screwed

leaving skool cheakie at 8:37 PM [comment]

***